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Auntie SparkNotes: I Can't Stand My Clingy Boyfriend

Auntie SparkNotes: I Can't Stand My Clingy Boyfriend

Dear Auntie,

I know this is probably an unusual letter and never in a million years did I think I'd write about something like this, but ... my boyfriend is too sweet.

We met back in September 2011, when we both started studying at the same college. He was immediately interested in me, but I ... was not. He spent an entire year conceiving beautiful and romantic notions about me and finally, three months ago, I started having an interest in him. Unfortunately, he took everything too fast and that sort of frightened me. Anyway, we had a talk and we worked things out, which made him stop being so clingy all the time. However, after Christmas break (when we both spent 2 weeks at our respective hometowns), he became really clingy again. He texts me all the time, he won't stop posting music links on my Facebook wall, and he complains about never spending enough time with me (admittedly, we've only been together, alone, one time since he returned). The thing is, it's exams season, a really important time for both of us, and I don't want to fail because he constantly wants to be with me and talk to me.

I have no idea what to say to him without sounding too cold, and to be honest I just feel like breaking up with him. Help me Auntie, what should I do?!

Allow me to answer your question with a question: Is this guy a knockout hottie with eight-pack abs? Or the trust-funded heir to a ginormous fortune? Or a sparkly vampire with a private island in the tropics of Brazil?

Or, in other words, is there some reason why you haven't already broken up with your boyfriend—a reason that's compelling enough to outweigh the fairly vital fact that you don't actually like him?

Because let's be real, you don't. I mean, most people in happy relationships see togetherness as a pleasure to be cultivated, not a torture to be endured—and most people who write to me at least make a perfunctory nod to their SO's good qualities before they get to the problem parts. Meanwhile, the only good thing you have to say about this guy is that he really, really digs you. A lot. Which is flattering, for sure, but not enough to sustain a relationship... which is an important fact you should file away for the next time you start thinking about relenting to the attentions of a longtime suitor not because you truly like him, but just because he's there. Yes, it's tempting, and yes, it's easy, but what you get won't be any good.

And what you should do is what you want to do: break up with him, quickly and completely. You deserve better than the uncomfortable confines of a relationship that chafes in all the wrong places; he deserves a girl who doesn't flinch at his affection. And under those circumstances, cutting him loose isn't cold at all. More likely, it'll be the kindest thing you ever did for him.

Have you ever had to cut loose a clingy SO? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at

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Topics: Advice
Tags: auntie sparknotes, relationships, breakups, college, dating, advice, boyfriends

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About the Author

Kat Rosenfield is a writer, illustrator, advice columnist, YA author, and enthusiastic licker of that plastic liner that comes inside a box of Cheez-Its. She loves zombies and cats. She hates zombie cats. Follow her on Twitter or Tumblr @katrosenfield.

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