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Auntie SparkNotes: I Lied About Having Been Kissed

Auntie SparkNotes: I Lied About Having Been Kissed


Okay, before you read this letter, I beg you NOT TO JUDGE ME TOO HARD... even though a fair amount of judgement is due.

I go to a very provocative school, in which people become sexually active their freshman year.

And I'm not talking like, twenty of one hundred fifty kids in the grade become sexually active, I'm talking one hundred thirty-five of one hundred fifty. Not only was I not sexually active in this overly hormonal school, I had also never kissed anyone. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal to be a freshman and to never have been kissed, but in a place like this, it was huge. I went on a cruise on winter break of freshman year, and I met a very nice guy and we both came to have feelings for each other. The only problem was, that he was from a different country and had no Facebook or anything like that, so we would never be able to get in touch. We decided not to pursue a relationship with each other.

But after the cruise, I was getting teased for being a lip-virgin, and I accidentally blurted out that I kissed the guy that I'd met. The rumor eventually got around to everyone, and I wasn't about to tell everyone that I'd lied! I'm a junior now, and I've still never kissed anyone. It's not like I haven't had boyfriends or dates, it's just that I knew that the kiss wouldn't feel special with them, so I haven't kissed them. When I finally do kiss a guy, I want them to know that it was special for me and that they were my first kiss, but everyone still remembers the rumor that I'd accidentally started. I don't want them to think that I'm a liar! Is there anything that I can even do in this situation?

Hmmm. Well, okay! The way I see it, you have two options. You can either:

a) kiss a guy who doesn't attend your school and therefore hasn't heard your made-up story about kissing your cruise crush, or

b) kiss a guy who does know, but whom you know well enough to know that he won't care when you tell him he was your real beso numero uno.

Of course, Option B would require blowing your cover—a problem, to be sure, since you don't want anyone to think you're a liar. Only... y'know, you are a liar. You lied! Just admit it! It's okay! I promise that you haven't marred your karma by claiming been-kissed status when you're really a never-been—and any decent dude will understand why you fibbed under pressure, and won't hold it against you.

Especially not when the whole situation is so funny and charming and sounds like something straight out of every teen romantic comedy ever made.

Not to mention: fudging the truth about your sexual experience isn't a great thing to do, but it is a widespread phenomenon, particularly among high school students, and particularly among high school students who believe themselves to be the lone virgins in a sea of expert HNDers. Which is to say, if you still haven't connected the dots, that many—and maybe even most—of your supposedly sexually-active classmates are also big fat liars, and you should take their claims of sexual prowess with several million grains of salt.

That said, whatever you decide to do next, here's a bit of advice: beware the urge to wait (and wait, and wait) for your first kiss, in the hopes of making it "special." And not just because it's a great way to gear yourself up for incredible disappointment (although P.S., it is, and the more you try to orchestrate a perfect date with the perfect guy at the perfect sunset moment, the more it'll let you down when the smooch itself is—as nearly all first kisses are—awkward or sloppy or otherwise less-than-spectacular.) It's because every first kiss is special, and memorable, simply because it's your first.

So find someone you like, confess your ridiculous fakery, and pucker up.

Have you ever lied about your kissing experience? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at

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Topics: Advice
Tags: auntie sparknotes, lies, kissing, advice, lying, making out, hnd, nbk

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About the Author

Kat Rosenfield is a writer, illustrator, advice columnist, YA author, and enthusiastic licker of that plastic liner that comes inside a box of Cheez-Its. She loves zombies and cats. She hates zombie cats. Follow her on Twitter or Tumblr @katrosenfield.

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