1. In fact, I am PMS-ing. As in Please Move, Shartface.
2. You've been red zoned. Get used to it.
3. You know that periods are just things girls make up so they don't have to hook up with you, right?
4. I don't get periods, I get exclamation points.
5. Yep, I'm in heat, and I still don't find you attractive.
6. You're scared of periods? I guess we know which came first—the eggs, then the chicken.
7. I have an excuse to be a bloated biatch. What's yours?
8. Yeah, I'm a woman now. And you're obviously still a boy.
9. I'm releasing fluid for an important biological reason. You're just sweaty.
10. I'm going to barf. Not from cramps, from talking to you.
11. Make like an egg and expel yourself from my vicinity.
12. I'd explain the menstrual cycle to you, but I'm afraid you don't know enough about the female anatomy.
13. Oh no! If I would have known you're so grossed out, I wouldn't have stored all my pads in your locker.
14. I love my period—I get to spend tons of time in the school bathroom reading awful things about you on the stall walls!
15. Wait, sorry, there's a bit of food in your teeth. Oh never mind. It's just a tampon string.