It’s the birthday of author A.A. Milne who created Winnie the Pooh back in 1926. Since then, Pooh and his happy home in the 100 Acre Wood have become more popular than any other chubby bear-themed children’s story. Winnie the Pooh has appeared in books, movies, TV shows, and tattoos. But if you stop to think about this silly old bear, some things don’t add up. Here are the five major questions I have regarding Pooh and his world.
1. What is Piglet Wearing?
Is that a shirt? Is that his skin? If it’s his shirt, does it have leg holes? Where is his tail? Is his tail squished up inside the shirt? Is it a bathing suit? Why does it make him look like a snake/bug/watermelon? Where did he get this shirt? There are no stores in the 100 Acre Woods. Did he make it? Did he pick it out himself? He’s the only one who covers his body. Is this because he’s a prude? Maybe he’s ashamed of his body? Is he secretly a woman? Does he have offensive tattoos on his tummy?
2. Where All the Ladies At?
Kanga is the only female in the neighborhood. That seems strange. Assuming they’re heterosexual, who are Winnie, Tigger, Piglet, Owl, Eeyore, and Rabbit going to take to Prom? Maybe Kanga is jealous and had all the other women killed or deported to Narnia.
3. Who is Roo’s Dad?
This is an unspoken mystery in the Pooh universe. No one is willing to talk about it, presumably because the real story is sordid and sad. We bet Eeyore knows the truth, and that’s why he’s depressed all the time.
4. Are They Stuffed Animals? Or Are They Alive?
Eeyore’s pinned-on tail and seam on his nose make him appear more like a stuffed animal, but there’s nothing plush about Owl and Rabbit. And if Pooh is only a stuffed toy, where does the honey go after he eats it? And doesn’t this encourage children to cram honey into their teddy bears? Heck, I'm an adult and I kind of want to cram honey into a teddy's mouth right now just to see what would happen. I should know better...but I don't.
5. Where is the 100 Acre Wood?
Christopher Robin is as British as tea served by James Bond, but no one else in the movies and TV show has a British accent. What gives? What nationality is Pooh Bear!?! I demand to see his papers!
Please answer these questions, ghost of A.A. Milne! Thank you.