I took one 8 AM class in my storied Van Wilder-esque college career, and it was a disaster wrapped in an unhealthy amount of bad idea sauce. Much like a poorly-managed and highly unprofitable car wash, my brain is open from 12-3 PM, then takes a two-hour break for L.A.P (lunch/nap/2nd lunch), and re-opens again for about 15 minutes. But when life gives me lemons, I politely ask life if these lemons are organic, and if they are, I make lemonade. NATURAL lemonade, mind you, because I care. (In this scenario, the organic lemons are my 8 AM class. Keep up.) I've placed my deep-seeded antipathy for everyone and everything that happens before noon on hold for the moment to share with you a few tricks that can help you achieve the unthinkable—make an 8 AM class fun.
Doodle a Superhero Who Possesses a Useless Superpower
I remember two things from my first and last 8 AM class: my professor, Dr. Borington F. Snoozefest, a man with the voice of an early morning smooth jazz radio host, and a girl named Amber. I distinctly remember Amber because she was a petite, 5'1 girl who possessed a hearty cough that sounded like it emanated from a grizzled lumberjack who just drank a cup of rusty nails. Amber and I sat next to each other, and were borderline classroom friends, until one day, about three weeks into class, I passed her a note that looked like this. Next class, and all future classes thereafter, I could hear her loud, burly man-cough from the far, far, FAR, opposite side of the classroom as I mentally waved goodbye to our theoretical baritone-voiced daughter that we'd never have the opportunity to create.
Create a "Nodding Off" Fantasy Draft
Grab a few of your classmates and hold a "nodding off fantasy draft," wherein you select a team filled with classmates you feel have the highest potential to nod off during class. It’s essentially the same rules as picking a kickball team at recess, except this time I WON'T be faking a nosebleed because I'm too afraid of the ball. Once you have your team, watch to see if they perform the classic "can't keep their eyes open" nod off. You receive one point for every bop, a bonus point if they snore or drool, and DOUBLE bonus points if the teacher acknowledges a member of your team sleeping. Dozing off JUST GOT SERIOUS.
Take Fashion Risks
The only fashion rule of the 8 AM class is that THERE ARE NO RULES. Actually, that's not true; standard university dress code applies, but you can use your 8 AM'er as a chance to test drive some of your more precarious fashion endeavors before releasing them upon the general population of people who are, oh you know... awake! Feel like blazing a trail with the soon-to-be-popular "French Farmer" look? Do it. Rock that beret and those form-fitting overalls with the confidence of a farmer from Paris whose croissant patch has exceeded expectations. You want to dress up like a fancy pirate (formal wear + pirate hat, eye patch, and hoop earrings)? DO IT. Who's to say that dressing like a fancy pirate is crazy? Your classmate Chet? That guy's routinely outfoxed by the revolving door in the Sociology building; he's lucky he can even spell the word "pirate." Don't be afraid to use the lowered bar of 8 AM fashion expectations to take a few style chances.
Make a Fun "Why the Freakshow Am I Up This Early?” Mix
A benefit of rising before anyone finds out who will win today's showcase showdown is that you now have a reason to create a fun, new, "Let's start this day off right" music playlist! The goal is to create a playlist that will both energize your brain and motivate your body. I suggest motivational songs like Watch Me Shine by Joanna Pacitti while avoiding socially stifling songs like Everybody Dance Now. Excuse me? Everybody dance... NOW? Rude. How about a "Everybody Dance, PLEASE"? Call me old-fashioned, but I remember when "Everybody Had MANNERS Now." If you fall head over heels over a particular song, perhaps you can use it to help you with this next step...
Pretend You’re Starring in your Own Movie Montage
Let's stick with our last example, Watch Me Shine, made popular by the Reese Witherspoon montage in the legally classic movie Legally Blond. Normally, I'd never mock the brilliance of a well-constructed movie montage, but this particular collection of clips is incredible. Determined to show her ex-boyfriend and pretentious law school classmates that she's smart enough to handle HARVARD Law School, Reese decides that she's going to tackle the rigors of HARVARD with the type of wholehearted zeal that warrants its own montage. So how does Reese prove she has what it takes? First, she buys a computer. Okay, cool. Probably should have handled that before classes started. Second, she bought...books. Important, but not montage worthy. Third, she started to READ these books while exercising. A+ for multitasking. F minus minus on any actual achievements.
I don't want to belittle Reese Witherspoon's academic accomplishments, but if your HARVARD Law School classmates are impressed at the mere sight of you holding a book and answering a question that sounded like it was borrowed from page one of the book, ""How to be a Lawyer, Idiot!"" maybe you should legally quit. When fantasizing about your perfect movie montage, save the mundane tasks for real life. It's a montage! Have fun!
Any tricks that help you survive the dreaded 8 AM class? What's your favorite movie montage? Does being totally awesome at naps count as a good superpower, or a GREAT superpower?