January isn’t know for being a fun, bright month of joy, and Wednesdays are usually forgettable at best and nightmarish at worst, but there are still reasons to be happy! Trust us!
1. The Google Doodle for today is a zamboni game! Go play it! All day!
2. Today is Friday Eve-Eve!
3. This My Little Pony wooden automaton is great, and made greater thanks to that turtle! Look at that turtle! Look at him go!
4. Temple Run 2 is out today for iPhones! Finally something to do during
math class your free time.
5. Dating Advice of the Day: First impressions are overrated. Focus on the ninth impression. That’s that the only one that counts. (Wear something dangly.)
6. Due to icy weather, some schools in the North East had a two-hour delay today. If you were not one of those lucky schools, you could travel to those schools and steal all their pencils because no one will be there for two hours. It’s the perfect crime.
7. If you want to destroy a bar of evil Ivory soap, put it in the microwave and it turns into something awesome!
8. For the first time, women outnumbered men at the Disney Marathon in Florida this past weekend!
9. Today you should let your eyes do the talking, and your ears do the tasting.
10. Dunkin Donuts is finally coming to Southern California! Now people in Los Angeles can experience the joy of dipping a sausage and egg bagel sandwich into a Strawberry Coolatta! (That’s what everyone does, right?)
11. Spiders are scary. Scissors are scary. Spiders made of scissors are the reason to never leave your house or open your eyes.
12. Google is going to pay a kid $80,000 to draw a logo. That kid could be you! And if it is, please buy us some hats—good ones.
13. You stopped reading this to play Temple Run 2, haven’t you? That’s cool. Whatever. Jerk.
14. Word of the Day: Scrumptious. Definition: Tastes great! A word that’s difficult for a man to use without sounding strange. Example: “That corn is scrumptious,” said Paul. Then the music stopped and everyone stared at Paul.
15. When in doubt, answer, “Because of society’s dependence on technology.” This will get you through most of high school and all of college.
16. Do you guys remember when Ben Affleck dated Jennifer Lopez? I forgot until just now.
17. A teacher claims she was discriminated against because she has a fear of children. Perhaps she should have chosen another career, like accounting or she could live in a candy cottage deep in the forest.
18. If you have the flu, please take of yourself. If you don’t have the flu, shut up about your cold, you big baby! Now go out back and chop wood. That’ll cure your sniffles.
19. Consider This: Anything can be a sled. Anything.
20. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. So it stands to reason that when life gives you the flu, mix your snot with water and sugar and sell it.
21. I still haven’t seen The Hobbit. Guys, what’s wrong with me?! I’m a horrible person. I know you can never forgive me, but I hope we can still remain friends.
22. Misquoted Movie Quote of the Day: “Bueller? Ferris Bueller? Are you in class, Ferris Bueller? Where are you, Ferris? It’s time for class.”
23. The Oscar race is heating up! Who do you think will win Best Documentary Short Subject?!?! Agh! I can’t even pick a favorite!
24. Don’t forget your gloves or stencils.
25. Quick Poll: