When it comes to dogs, there’s no denying that they often do unthinkably gross things, like quench their thirst with tainted toilet water and lick their behinds whenever they please. But the truth is, you may have more in common with canines than you realize—though, hopefully, none of the aforementioned characteristics. Take our quiz to find out which dog breed you most closely resemble (and stop scratching your butt, dude. Everyone can see you).
1. People who know you would describe you as:
a) An adorable diva with perfect hair.
b) A gentle giant with a bit of a drooling problem.
c) A slobbery sweetheart who puts up an intimidating front.
d) A hyperactive humanitarian who’s prone to hair loss.
e) A misunderstood mush with great muscle tone.
2. Your biggest insecurity is:
a) Your bulging eyes.
b) Your droopy jowls.
c) Your chronic underbite.
d) Your splotchy complexion.
e) Nothing! You’re completely comfortable in your fur—er, skin.
3. When you’re passing through the packed hallways in between classes and see another student face-plant, you:
a) Book it out of there; large, rowdy crowds make you think of the stampede scene from The Lion King.
b) Feel relieved it wasn’t you; with your long limbs, you’re a walking accident.
c) Can’t help but break out in a fit of snorting laughter.
d) Snarl at anyone who so much as snickers.
e) Run over to lend a hand and assure him/her that no one saw—except, of course, for you and maybe another 50 or so classmates.
4. Your least attractive habit is:
a) A tendency to pee when you’re nervous.
b) Your willingness to ingest almost anything.
c) Your chronic snoring, possibly due to a deviated septum.
d) Leaving clumps of hair in the shower drain.
e) Your perpetual urge to lick your friends.
5. One thing you wish people knew about you:
a) Yes, that is your natural hair color.
b) It hurts your feelings when people say that you’re as big as a horse.
c) You’re not overweight; you’re just big-boned.
d) You found the movie 101 Dalmatians to be completely implausible—who ever heard of a dog having a British accent?
e) You don’t understand the reasoning behind Pitbull’s name anymore than you understand what he’s saying in any of his songs.
If you answered mostly A’s: You are a Long-Haired Chihuahua. You may come off as a bit prissy, but you can’t help it—you just like to be pampered. People often say you’re so cute they want to put you in their pocket, and as a matter of fact, some actually do.
If you answered mostly B’s: You are a Mastiff. Those who don’t know you may think that you’re aloof, but in reality, you’re just a bit on the shy side. You are head and shoulders above the rest—quite literally. But you’ve learned to work it and to stick with wearing flats.
If you answered mostly C’s: You are a Bulldog. Some may say you have a face that only a visually impaired mother could love, but your charming personality more than makes up for it. Although, you have been told on more than one occasion that your table manners could stand a little improvement.
If you answered mostly D’s: You are a Dalmatian. You’ve never really been able to blend in, but over time, you’ve come to embrace this. You’ve also learned that you look stunning in red but terrible in stripes.
If you answered mostly E’s: You are a Pitbull. Many people have the misconception that you’re a dangerous thug, but in reality, you’re just a big softie with an incurable craving for cuddles. You also have a passion for belly rubs that tends to make your friends uncomfortable.
Yup, we're definitely a bulldog. Which breed are you?