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The FINAL, Sparkler-Approved List of The 21 BEST Cat Names

The FINAL, Sparkler-Approved List of The 21 BEST Cat Names

By Josh Sorokach

If naming cats were an Olympic event you sweet, sweet Sparklers would win the gold medal. Actually, why isn't naming cats an Olympic event? I'm sure learning the art of the javelin requires a ton of hard work and dedication, but you can't snuggle up next to a javelin on a cold winter night and binge-watch Vampire Diaries. Well, you can, but your roommate is going to think you're Honey NUTS Cheerios! (I won't apologize for that joke.)

Anyway, you feline geniuses responded to our desperate request with amazingly original, witty names, and, as promised, the 5 most up-voted have won a spot on our much-revered list. But before we reveal which Sparkler-suggested names made internet history, let us bid a fond farewell to the 5 cat names from our original list that bit the proverbial dust(ball).

1. Cat Scratch Bieber: Cats: popular Justin Bieber: popular Cats AND Justin Bieber: surprisingly unpopular

2. Big Irv: Yet another in a long line of setbacks for cat obesity.

3. Kitty Boo Boo: Existential SparkLife commenter Who_I_Am wins the prestigious "Laugh Out Loud Award" for excellence in commenting with her keen observation that, "Kitty Boo-Boo is... at best an endearing nickname."

4. Governor Grumps/Kim Cat-Dashian: Hey, even Picasso painted a dud once in a while. Yes. I just compared myself to Picasso. We're equals. Him with his fun, little paintings and me, a true maverick trailblazer in the scientific field of cat naming.

And now, here are a few Honorable Mentions for names that didn't quite crack the Top 5, but still won a place in our LOL Hall of Cat Name Fame:

Yaz793 for "Fig Newton" and "Sir Meowsalot"

Googlegirl24 for "Taco"

jkhungergamesfan for "Meowiarty"

DramaNerd5 for "Sir Percy"

Caracupcakes for "Nathaniel Pawthorne"

T-Rex11 for "Doctor Karl Lester Cattington, MD." (Doc Cat for short)

christinepotter for "Jay Catsby"

unjellify for "Tunaboy"

Zenally for "Hermeowonie Granger," "Professor McGonagall," and "Ron Whiskers"

coffee_hiddles_love for "Dale"

And now the moment of truth. Drum roll, please. No? That's now how internet posts work? Fair enough. Here we go...

The Best 21 Cat Names in the World!

21. Senior Frisky

20. Jinx Macklemore PHD

19. Kitty Purry

18. St. Whisker Von Bonaventure

17. Geoffrey Saucer

16. Detective Pajamas

15. Professor Gumdrop

14. Mr. Pizza the Party Cat

13. Meowy Cyrus

12. Chef Collywobble

11. Inspector Buttons

10. Lady Fancyface

09. Queen Bonkers

08. Princess Calico

07. The Great Catsby

06. Shenanigan B. Featherbottom

05. Duke Silver (by Holly_Baker1014, with 8 up-votes!)

04. Aslan (by tophfan) and Purr-lock Holmes (by RockyPug)—both received 9 up-votes!

03. Schrodinger and/or Tesla (by timey_wimey_stuff, with 10 up-votes!)

02. Boromir (by PearlBlack, with 11 up-votes!)

01. Teacup (by My-Fair-Googie, with 17 up-votes!)

What do you think of our new list? Thanks a bazillion for all of your wonderful suggestions! With your continued support, we'll finally eradicate boring cat names in 2013!

Topics: Life, The Internets
Tags: cats, names, sparklers, nicknames, funny things, pet names, funny lists

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About the Author
Josh Sorokach

Josh Sorokach is a comedy writer living in New York City. He's a former American Idol winner, three time Olympian, and habitual liar. Follow him on twitter @Joshsorokach.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.