The middle of the week is here and there are plenty of reasons to shout and smile. Are you happy right now? If not, you will be. Consider that a threat.
1. Twilight sucks! Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 2: Crazy Like a Wolf: Date Baby: Extreme Title: For Souls is leading the Razzie nominations! The Razzies are like the reverse Academy Awards and awards are handed out to the worst movies of the year.
2. On this date in 1788 Connecticut officially joined the United States. During the hazing ceremony, Connecticut was spanked by the other states, forced to eat dog food, and had to walk around campus wearing nothing but toilet paper. Hazing is so mean.
3. It’s the 6th anniversary of the iPhone! It’s also the 6th anniversary of the first time an old person said, “I don’t see what the big deal is? It’s just a fancy radio.”
4. Justin Bieber will host and be the musical guest on the February 9th episode of Saturday Night Live. Say what you will about Bieber...No, really. Go on and say anything. I don’t care. Love him? Hate him? Whatever.
5. Happy Birthday, Kate Middleton! What does Downton Abbey smell like? I bet it smells like damp cloth. Were you a Gryffindor or Hufflepuff!? When you were a mermaid, did you make a deal with an evil octopus so you could marry Prince William? Can I have your autograph? Can I try your hat real quick?
6. Dog of the Day: Old ones with sophisticated names like “Marshall” or “Clive.”
7. Hot nickel plus water equals...something unexpected. (Turn your volume up.)
8. Chair of the Day: This unique stool.
9. Isn’t all the NFL and NHL news exciting?! No? You’re right. Let’s talk about talk about lightsabers instead.
10. Daydream Topic: A helicopter with propeller blades made of lightsabers! I call it the Cloud Wrecker! Wouldn’t that be cool!?
11. It’s so hot in Australia that weather forecasters had to add a new color to the heat map. At this rate, we’ll run out of colors and will have to start describing heat maps using flavors, such as grape, vanilla, or old man’s elbow.
12. Did you receive an awkward text message today? Let me decipher it for you: The sender is simply falling in love with you and the love is so great that all ability to communicate has been compromised. Put another way: They want to kiss your mouth.
13. Today is a great day to wear (and whisper) purple!
14. Shh. Do you hear that? Listen! The soft gurgle noise in the distance is Friday bubbling up. It’s almost here!
15. Craft Idea: Paint old pennies silver to turn them into “Trash Dimes!”
16. Homework Tip: When your computer crashes and you lose all your work, it’s a miserable time. But if you make your essay rhyme in the first draft, it will be easier to remember when you have to redo it.
17. Word of the Day: Faucet. Definition: A lame substitute for swear words. Example: Faucet! Faucet all to hell!
18. It’s the birthday of singer Dave Matthews. If you don’t like his music, you will...for about 7 months in college...and then you’ll get better.
19. There is something awesome happening with your face today! Prepare your diary accordingly.
20. Dating Advice of the Day: When riding a bicycle-built-for-two, slow down. With the power of two humans on the same bike, you could potentially break the sound barrier and the sonic boom will deafen nearby babies and squirrels.
21. Today you should flirt with shoulders. That means using your shoulders to flirt; not writing cute notes to your shoulders.
22. Let’s see who can hold their breath the shortest! Ready! Go! [Exhales dramatically]
23. Misquoted Movie Quote of the Day: “Glen Coco is getting candy! Congrats, Glen!”
24. Tonight when you gaze at the stars in the sky, there might be an intelligent creature on another planet gazing back at you. And they probably have super binoculars and saw you naked through the window.
25. Quick Poll!