You didn’t want to get out of bed this morning. But that’s OK. You probably didn’t know there are 25 amazing reasons to celebrate this day. Had you read this list, you would jump out of bed screaming, “Huzzah! It’s Chinese badminton player Xie Xingfang’s birthday! She’s super!”
1. Harry Styles and Taylor Swift broke up!!! But their's was a love everlasting! No one saw this coming...except everyone. Taylor Swift’s record producer, upon hearing of the break up, turned on the microphone and said, “Taylor...5,6,7,8...hit it!” And then Taylor recorded a billion break-up songs including the track, “My Compass is Pointing in Two Directions.”
2. It’s the birthday of Chinese badminton player Xie Xingfang! Her name, even if I don’t know how to pronounce it, is better than all other badminton player names.
3. It’s also the birthday of Elvis Presley. He was the Justin Beiber of the 1950s, so if you’re really into Beiber right now, look at all the sad, old, crazy Elvis fans of the world and prepare your life accordingly.
4. Because technology has peaked, you can know buy a digital fork that tracks your eating trends.
5. Ryan Lochte is filming his own reality show for E! and after reading this, Taylor Swift whispered to herself, “Hmm...” and then made a phone call.
6. Craft Idea: Glue colorful yarn to the ceiling. Don’t ask question. Just do it. HURRY!
7. This Back to the Future shirt is rather great.
8. Today is the perfect day to reinvent yourself. Start with a new hat and a robot accent. See where that takes you.
9. Word of the Day: Energy. Definition: The letters N, R, and G all lined up together. Example: I can’t think of any words that end in energy. Can you?
10. Eww! The inventor of the Segway scooter has developed a Do-It-Yourself stomach pump! Eww! Eww!
11. Have we all seen Looper? Can I ask questions about it yet? No? Well, let me know when everyone has seen it so we can discuss the ending. I’ll be at the Starbucks on Main Street.
12. Today is all about mittens! Wear ‘em as hard as you can!
13. Consider This: If Spider-Man is so obviously good at making his kickass costume, why doesn’t he sell Halloween costumes and stop being such a poor loser?
14. Dating Advice of the Day: Seal a love note with a kiss, but also tape, because kisses aren’t adhesive unless you kiss weird.
15. Take time today to appreciate the work of actor John Goodman. Thanks, Mr. Goodman. You’re usually pretty awesome in movies.
16. Frankenweenie is on DVD and Blu-ray today!
17. Make your Spring Break plans today! (By this, I mean you should go ahead and get all the movies and video games ready for your week of just sleeping and relaxing.)
18. You have 36 days until Valentine’s Day, 67 days until St. Patrick’s Day, and 350 days until Christmas!
19. It’s the second Tuesday of the year, and you know what that means, right? I don’t know what that means. Does it mean anything? Can we make it mean something?
20. The second Tuesday of the year is a day for everyone to eat sandwiches or else the demon, Clip-Klop, will eat our thumbs in summer. Making folklore is easy!
21. The Golden Globes are this weekend and while it’s great that an award show recognizes both movies and TV, why stop there? Why not also hand out awards for music, fiction, puzzles, and Snicker pie? That’s the award show I’d watch.
22. Misquoted Movie Quote of the Day: “With a lot of power, you also need to not be a total jerk about it, Pete Parker. And when did you learn to sew?”
23. Let’s all go somewhere warm today, like Florida or inside a giant turtle’s mouth.
24. If you buy a pair of Toms, the company donates a pair of shoes. But if you return the shoes, does the company take back the shoes from the poor kid? Probably. Right?
25. Quick Poll!