Are you already sick of this year? Stop it! Cheer up! This year is going to be better than a puppy named Pete. Here are 25 reasons why today is perfect!
1. It’s J.R.R. Tolkien’s birthday! Celebrate by admiring nature, going on an adventure, and arguing if Balrogs have wings.
2. Balrogs don’t have wings! They just don’t! This shouldn’t even be a topic of debate. Why would Gandalf’s ultimate plan be to lure the Balrog on the bridge and then destroy the bridge, if the Balrog could just fly away? The text from The Fellowship of The Ring referring to a Balrog’s wings was meant to be metaphorical!
3. Today is also Dabney Coleman’s birthday. You probably don’t know who he is, but he’s basically the Tolkien of acting. And his name is Dabney. That means he’s awesome. (Only 3 people in the office knew of Dabney Coleman, which prompted a huge fight between the editors.)
4. We just have a few long, cold months before good movies hit theaters again.
5. Have you already stopped using the one thing you really wanted for Christmas? It’s OK. Presents are typically only useful for a few hours, unless it’s a dog, then you get about 6 days of greatness from it.
6. What do you want for President’s Day? Make a list and send it to President Santa, who lives inside Mt. Rushmore!
7. Please be true! Rumor has it that weirdo/genius David Lynch is meeting with TV networks about the possibility of making a third season of Twin Peaks, the brilliant show that went off the air in the early 90s. It’s only a rumor, so I’m not jumping and screaming...just yet. And if you haven’t seen Twin Peaks, go watch it! It’s amazing. It’s on NetFlix Instant right now!
8. Word of the Day: Colonel. Definition: A word were the letter R dresses up in an L-costume. Example: The officer chased the suspect letter R for three blocks, but then lost it in a colonel.
9. Here’s a recipe for S’more Pizza. No other comment necesssary.
10. You should cut your hair today, but only one, and only when the hair least expects it.
11. You forgot how to do math over the holidays, didn’t you? Here’s a helpful hint: Fours are just fives with nothing to lose.
12. Weather Report: Tonight will be cold with 0.3-percent chance of “teeth rain”...whatever that is.
13. Depending on your commitment and accessories, a Skrillex track can be the worst or best choice for a karaoke song.
14. No one need to know about the vomit incident that happened during the holidays. Keep it to yourself. Please.
15. Craft Idea: Use fresh broccoli as makeup brushes to give your face the odor of salad.
16. It’s already Thursday, so why are you crying?
17. Today is the anniversary of January 3rd, 2012!
18. The short story you wrote this week was really good. Don’t ask how I saw it. By the way, maybe your main character should have a bestfriend named Iggy who isn’t afraid of the sheriff. Just a suggestion.
19. Snack of the Day: The salt at the bottom of the pretzel bag.
20. What if the dinosaurs didn’t go extinct, but traveled into the future, and tomorrow there will be a flash of white light and then dinosaurs will be everywhere! Twitter and Instagram would go bonkers!
21. If you read that last item aloud, you inadvertently said, “butt traveled.” Ha!
22. This weekend is all about the lazy. With so many parties and things to do during December, it’s nice to have an upcoming weekend to just be lazy and worry about your future for 48 straight hours.
23. Have you given much thought to becoming a chair engineer? The world always needs better chairs. Think about it.
24. Bonus Craft Idea: Ice cream can easily be turned into cake gravy if you wait 17 minutes.
25. Quick Poll!