Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Stop wallowing in self-pity, Aries; in fact, there's very little you could wallow in that would meet the approval of the constellations. It's time to get back on the horse. The rodeo isn't paying you to convulse on the ground from acute horse injuries. Unless you're getting into a new relationship this month, in which case that's a horse of a different color: blorange. Your rap name is Tyrapposaurus Wrecks. Your spirit animal is Yoda.