It’s finally here! Boxing Day Eve! Yay!!! Here are 25 reasons to enjoy this special day.
1. Merry Christmas!!!
2. You have 364 days to shop until next Christmas.
3. You can take back the presents you don’t want, or give them to me. I’m not picky.
4. It’s almost 2013! Flying cars, jetpacks, moon colonies...it’s all going to happen in just a few short days!
5. Food! Eat it! All of it!
6. Word of the Day: Robot. Definition: A great thing. Example: Robots! Yay!
7. To those who don’t celebrate the holidays, here’s a non-holiday poem just for you:
By Daniel Adam Bergstein
Spelling “spaghetti” can be easy as "pie"
Remember this rhyme, and you will not cry.
Start spelling “Spa” but do not stop there,
Add a small G, but try not to stare.
Stick in an H, though I don’t know why.
Make a double-T sandwich between the E and the I.
Then you’re all done, so go ring the bells!
But you don’t need this poem if your phone can check spells.
8. If you do celebrate Christmas, just add “ding-dong, ding-dong” to the end of every line of the poem above. That’s how you make things Christmas-y.
9. You should be wearing pajamas while reading this.
10. That should be enough reasons to celebrate, so the remainder of this list are just a few gifts from me to you.
11. Everyone reading this gets 50 Dan Points.
12. Everyone not reading this gets 10 Dan Points.
13. If your name ends in Y or I, you get another 5 Dan Points.
14. I bought you a horse, but because shipping is expensive, I just took his leash off and told him to find your house. He’s gray. His name is Scoundrel. Be on the lookout.
15. I also got you some socks. They’re rubber. (Scoundrel has them in his basket.)
16. I didn’t buy you The Avengers on Blu-ray, but I will act it out for you.
17. I signed you up for a Jelly of the Decade club. This decade, the jelly is Hay Jelly. (Scoundrel may have already eaten it.)
18. Due to a misunderstood wish, Scoundrel can (and often does) turn invisible. But he’s real. Swearsies!
19. I got you a prepaid Twitter account. The man at the store gave me great deal. Only $57! Though he wasn’t actually in the store. He was in the parking lot. And he took my credit card and promised to only use $57 from it. And then he ran. But I’m sure this is legit. Enjoy!
20. I wasn’t sure what size jetpack to get you, so instead I got you a can of mixed nuts, which Scoundrel ate. He left the Brazil nuts for you. (I think he hates you.)
21. Hope you like news computers! Because I printed out reviews of all the new computers and put them in a binder for you to page through when you’re bored. (They’re with Scoundrel.)
22. I made you a coupon good for “One Free Passionate Handshake.” (Non-transferable. Expires 12/31/12.)
23. Scoundrel comes with free kittens who will never smell bad or act rude. They are also invisible.
24. I’m also giving you one wish. But if you make a spelling mistake or typo between now and the New Year, your wish won’t come true. (You cannot wish for more wishes.)
25. From all of me, to all of you, have a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Adequate April, Fulfilling President's Day, and a Mysterious Birthday!
Now what did you get me?