The Absolute Worst of 2012
2012 was a big year for Barack Obama, The Hunger Games, and internet cats. But lots of unfortunate things happened, too. Instead of wallowing in sorrow over "Thanksgiving" and Lauren Conrad, let's admit that these things were the absolute worst of 2012, and then move on from them. Far, far away from them. Remember, if you don't study history you will repeat your mistakes. And we just don't think we can handle another year of YOLO.
10. Amy Poehler and Will Arnett's Separation. The news the America’s favorite funny couple Amy Poehler and Will Arnett were separating took the nation by storm, sending people into fits of despair and wondering if love could possibly exist. And if Love doesn't exist, what's next? The Easter Bunny? Just remember, guys. We will love again, LOOOOVE AGAIN stronger than before, even if it takes a life time to get over it, heaven only knows, and we are all going to be okay. We can get over this together.
9. Replacement Refs. We don't know a ton about sports, but we know replacement refs were bad. Even if you didn't pay attention to football, you suffered because you were forced to listen to NFL fans bemoan the end of the universe. But if having replacement refs is anything like having substitute teachers, we kind of get it. Subs just don't understand.
8. Being a Lumberjack. It was reported that being a lumberjack was the worst job of 2012, with researchers claiming it's work that's "physically demanding, precarious, low-paying and with a weak hiring outlook." Did we really need researchers to tell us that, though? Researchers, what are you doing with your lives? Surprise us with something next year.
7. The Mom Who Named Her Baby "Hashtag." Kids named Jack and Amy get made fun of. Justin Timberlake was bullied in school. We don't know what little Hashtag is going to have to do to overcome the utter stupidity of his name, but it's going to have to be great. You can do this, kid. We are rooting for you.
6. Cecilia Gimenez, who botched the restoration of the century-old "ecco homo" fresco. There was a time this historic artwork resembled a classic masterpiece. Today, thanks to Cecilia's over-eagerness with the crayons (or whatever the heck she used), it resembles something you'd find on a frumpy Grandmother's Christmas sweater. But in all honesty, Grandmothers have better taste.
5. The Terrible "Thanksgiving" Music Video By Nicole Westbrook. Man, you thought 2011 was bad. That was the year we got Rebecca Black's "Friday." This year made that look like a tropical paradise. Not only is this song more annoying, it's not even original. And we are left wondering what happened to Ms. Westbrook's family. Did she gag and bind them and shove them in the closet? Why are her 6-year-old friends making her macaroni and cheese on this day of family togetherness? Where is Grandma? EARRR PAINNNNNN.
4. Lauren Conrad's Terrible Craft Idea. If you love books, for the love of God do not click on this link. What Lauren Conrad has done to books can never be undone. This is evidence that society is devolving and the Mayans were right all along.
3. YOLO. So many good things happened this year but we can hardly remember them because they are all overshadowed by the use of YOLO. YOLO has been around for years, technically, but we were all trying to forget it. To force it out of our memories. To move forward onto better things. But in 2012, Drake brought it back. Thanks a lot, Bud. Poehler and Arnett split, a soulless Lauren Conrad destroyed a bunch of books, there was that Thanksgiving thing and also lumberjacks. And then this. You really know how to kick a society when they're down.
2. Guy Fieri's New Times Square Restaurant. The New York Times review was the worst, worst, worst for Fieri. But awesome for us to read, with a box of popcorn. It's so entertaining that we guess we win this one. Everyone, 1. Fieri 0. (But remember, kids: nobody wins with Donkey Sauce.)
1. Justin Bieber Pukes On Stage. This was pretty disgusting, and although some people argued it made him seem more human and relatable (we didn't actually hear anyone say that, but it sounds like something a psychiatrist would say), we don't WANT Justin Bieber to be more human and relatable. We want him to get up there with his helmet-perfect hair and sing about stuff he knows nothing about in a perfect auto-tuned voice. But if Bieber fans can still wanna be his girlfriend after they see him upchucking while serenading America, we guess their loyalty has been tested.
What do you think was the absolute worst of 2012?