We don't pretend to know what the rich and famous really want this holiday season. But we will say that you can expect a sweet Golden Globes invite if you manage to get any of these perfect presents past their stars' large and frightening handlers. Happy holidays, hopefully not from stalker jail!
Nikki Minaj: A nice hoodie, for those days when she doesn't want to put on thigh-high robot boots and a rubberized tulle apron just to pick up milk.
Ryan Gosling: Dribble glass. Aw, you spilled juice on your shirt again? Better peel that baby off before the stain sets.
Eddie Redmayne: Framed 8x10 glamour shot of Chelsea Dagger. She has dibs, guys. And he'd better get used to it.
Taylor Swift: Subscription to Match.com, because we never want her to run out of breakups to sing about.
Benedict Cumberbatch: Giant magnifying glass. No, he will not appreciate this gag gift. But we just want to see him hold it up once, before he politely regifts it to Zachary Quinto.
Carly Rae Jepsen: Real-estate license. Juuuust in case she turns out to be a one-hit wonder.
Liam Neeson: Groucho glasses. Why so serious? The world wants to see you in a slapstick comedy, Neeson.
Jennifer Lawrence: A surprise Christmas party! Because if it's a surprise, she can't choose not to attend. Call us back, Jennifeeer!!
What are you getting your favorite celebrity?