Did you survive the apocalypse? Did you spell apocalypse correctly? Yay! Here are 25 more reasons to give today a big wet kiss.
1. The apocalypse happened, but we’re all so great and strong that we didn’t feel it!
2. Today is hopefully the beginning of your winter break. Activate the sweatpants and pile up the DVDs and video games. It’s time to show the world (and mostly your parents) the true meaning of “lazy.”
4. It’s the longest night of the year, and not just because your dad is making awful apocalypse jokes and puns.
5. Word of the Day: Manger. Definition: Monkey danger! Example: The manger levels were high at the Institute for Primate Weaponization.
6. Happy Yule!
7. Elf Quote of the Day: “Do you have any friends? Do you have a best friend? Does he have a big coat, too?”
8. Make something with dough today. Ideas: Pie, pizza, cookies, bread, weird candy, gowns.
9. Today is the best day to suck on a candy cane until the point is very sharp, and then use the sharpened cane to split atoms.
10. When you tell your friends, “See you next year,” it’s funny, because, you see, it will be 2013 in ten days. So saying, “See you next year,” doesn’t mean, “See you in 365 days.” It’s funny. Get it? Here, let me explain it again. So when you say, “See you next year,” what you’re actually...hey. Why did you stop reading this?
11. It’s now summer in the southern hemisphere, because the world is totally bonkers.
12. Use these last few days before Christmas to remind yourself how lucky you are. Also, use some of that time to buy me presents. Batman presents.
13. Stop stressing about your grades. They will be posted at some point. There is nothing you can do now. Get your mind off the agonizing wait by buying awesome people Batman presents.
14. Craft Idea: Scented candles are just Holiday Deodorant waiting to happen.
16. Because tonight is the longest night of the year, turn on all your lights to teach darkness a lesson.
17. Is it just me, or is apocalypse difficult to spell? Haven’t gotten it right yet. (Thanks, spellcheck, you know-it-all nerd.)
19. Holiday Help: Trying to talk with elderly relatives can be difficult. Use these conversation topics to move the conversation away from school and your social life.
- The Hobbit
- What was it like before the internet?
- Peaches vs. apples
- Your sibling’s problems
- Great names for dogs
- Who is this Benedict Cumberbatch and what’s his deal?
- Ghosts vs. zombies
- The girls on Teen Mom 2
20. Recipe of the Day: Eat Cheez-Its.
21. Finish all your shopping tonight so you won’t be too overwhelmed this weekend. This will give you plenty of time to watch holiday movies and complain that no one is texting you.
22. Gift cards make great gifts, but who wants to wrap all those cards? Instead, just memorize the card numbers and recite them to the recipient.
23. There are only a few days left to sing Christmas songs. By this time next week, if you even hum “Little Drummer Boy” we all have the right to crush your toes with hammers.
24. What size tiara do you wear? And are you allergic to electricity? No reason. Just want to know. And could you hurry? The line’s moving fast.
25. Quick Poll: