It’s the last Wednesday before the world ends, but you should still be happy for the following reasons.
1. The world is not going to end. I bet you $40 that it won’t end. No, $50!
2. To those who are alone this Christmas, remember that your body is covered in trillions of bacteria, so you’re never truly alone.
3. A long-lost Hans Christian Andersen story has been found! Will it be as great as The Little Mermaid? Here’s the Wikipedia synopsis: “A tallow candle, whose parents are a sheep and a melting pot, becomes more and more disheartened as it cannot find a purpose in life.” Um...maybe a talking crab and a few songs about life under the ocean could liven this up.
4. Hey, remember that whale you thought was extinct? Well it’s not!
5. Three men tried to steal $20 million worth of
diamonds maple syrup.
6. Tonight is the 12th night of Super Hanukkah!
7. Paper is made of trees, so fold up the edges of a piece of paper and you’ve made a tree fort.
8. Get ready for Valentine’s Day! And don’t forget that Spring Break is right around the corner. And do you have plans for the Fourth of July, yet? Hurry!
9. Word of the Day: Vociferous. Definition: Noisy. Example: “My favorite dinosaur is the Vociferous!!!” screamed the vociferous child to his weary dinosaur tutor.
10. Cheer up and always remember that no matter how rough things get, someone still loves you. His name is Herman and he told us not to write this but we did anyway. He’s shy and loves Nutella.
11. Are your finals finally final? If so, yay! If not, study more. If you need a dinosaur tutor, just ask.
12. It’s been said before but needs reiterating: Penguins do not live in the North Pole. They do not hang out with Santa. They do not help make toys. They live in the South Pole, and if they hang out with anyone, it’s Anti-Santa, so they’re probably evil.
13. Dating Advice of the Day: Never date someone who compliments your socks before complimenting anything else. Sock compliments are the lowest form of flattery. It’s like telling a chef that the napkins were great. This rule does not apply if your socks are very fantastic and/or in puppet-form.
14. Macaroni and cheese tastes so much better in December!
15. Kissing under the mistletoe is a silly tradition. Butt grabbing above a nickel is much more fun. (Tradition starts today!)
16. Ricky Gervais might be in the next Muppet movie! Add a Werewolf-Muppet and Batman and this will be the greatest movie of them all.
17. The song “Last Christmas” is played every year. So which Christmas does it refer to? Is the singer so unlucky in love that every Christmas he/she falls in love only to break up the next day? Maybe stop being frivolous with your heart in December? Try falling in love on St. Patrick’s Day.
18. Today, the person without a cold will bring you great joy!
19. Elf Quote of the Day: “Francisco! That's fun to say! Francisco... Frannncisco... Franciscooo...”
20. Craft Idea: Turn an old coat sleeve into a weasle jacket. Turn old weasle jackets into coat sleeves!
21. Dan’s Top Ten Lists of 2012!
Top Ten Most Average Things of the Year
2. Jack Black
3. Fruit salad
5. Televised singing contests
10. Tweets about the Olympic Opening Ceremonies
22. For those who are already bored on Christmas break, here’s a fun game to play: Try to fold water.
23. Pro Tip: If you don’t have any tape, you can always “wrap” presents with paint.
24. Remember when we all watched Die Hard?
25. Quick Poll: