Well, Sparklers, it's been a good month. Together we've tackled the best Christmas music has to offer, the worst Hollywood has shown in the theaters, and our mutual love of RiffTrax. Today, we review the best of the best, the worst of the worst, and the weirdest of the weird. The comments have been counted and the results are in!
Drum roll, please!
And the winners are:
Good Movie: Elf
Yep, this movie definitely deserves the title of "Best Christmas Movie Eva!!" Like you all said, it's one of the most quotable movies of all time. I may or may not have answered my phone with "Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?" for about 5 months after I saw the movie. It's got everything: heart, humor, pre-quirky Zooey Deschanel, and the most adorable animals of all time. If you're an alien creature who has yet to see it, watch it now. Mr. Narwhal would want you to.
Good Song: "Carol of the Bells" by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra
Anyone who has been a choir kid probably knows this song by heart. I just wish we could be accompanied by electric guitars and awesome drums in middle school. This version is the most epic version of all time! Take a listen and prepare to have your mind blown.
Bad Movie: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
The world just wasn't ready for a Space Santa movie in the 60's. I don't know if we're ready for one now, but maybe in a couple years. And when that time comes, I nominate Dan Bergstein to write the script. My only request: cast Alan Rickman as the evil mayor who tries to stop Santa from going into outer space; include a scene of him at his desk, reading a newspaper, then looking up and saying, "It seems we have business... on Mars."
Bad Song: "Santa Baby" by Madonna
I've said it before, but I'll say it again: ACTING LIKE A LITTLE CHILD IS NOT SHMEXY!! Not even in the slightest. It's disturbing, perverted, and gives a whole new meaning to kids sitting on Santa's lap. Yeah, now you can't stop thinking about that either. Thanks, Madonna.
Different Movie: Mixed Nuts
Even with all the Christmas joy around, studies suggest December is actually a time of depression and stress for many people. So who do you call while feeling low? No, not Ghost Busters, this is serious stuff! You call Steve Martin, of course! His character runs a crisis hotline for those who need a little cheering up. Finally, a movie about the less glamorized side of the holidays!
Different Song: "I'm Gettin' Nuttin' For Christmas" by Relient K
As a child who was always good 100% of the time (don't let anyone tell you different) it always bugged me when I worked hard to earn those gifts from Santa, and then the bad kids got them despite their horrible behavior. It was totally unfair! Being an angel a week before Christmas should NOT get you on the "Nice List." This is why this song makes me happy. It's about taking responsibility for your actions! What, you put live animals covered in filth and disease in your family's house just for giggles and you're upset 'cause you only got coal for Christmas? GOOD. Serves you right, you punk!