How To Go on a First Date: GUY EDITION
Mankler SRVFan17 commented on my last post about first dates, “Guys could use some tips too.”
You’re right, SRVFan17. If there are posts for girls about how to go on a first date, then there should be ones for guys. Dudescrimination is wrong—guys need to know how to go on first dates, too. So here’s part two of “How to go on a first date”... DUDE EDITION.
Disclaimer: I am not a man. I have never been a man. I have no plans on becoming a man. So everything I say might be a little biased with girly pink sparkle flair, but I’m going to try my best to man this up as much as possible.
Yo, dude…. Yeah, this isn’t going to work.
Part 1: Getting a date
Sorry guys, I know this is the year 2012, but girls still want guys to do the asking. Sure, some brave female souls might take charge, but most of the time, we want a guy to sweep us off our feet.
As for where to have the date—that’s up to you, too, but choose wisely! All date spots were not created equal:
- The movies: Rating: 5/10. It’s dark so you can’t see each other, and you can’t talk to each other either. Basically, it’s like going to the movies alone, except there’s a lot more awkward hand brushing with the person next to you. If you do want to do the movies, combine it with a dinner before or dessert after to actually get to know the girl.
- That sketchy diner on campus: Rating: 2/10. Okay, so it’s crazy cheap, but the food is questionable at best. You don’t want to end your first date story with, “And then we got food poisoning.”
- Bowling alley/Arcade/Fun things: Rating: 9/10. If you’re having fun, and the girl is having fun, then it’s a good date.
- Super fancy restaurant: Rating: 4/10. You’re trying too hard if your place setting has more forks than you have hands. Plus, it’s difficult to have a good time when you’re worried about all the old people judging you.
- Coffee place: Rating: 7/10. You’re able to show off the fact that you can say chocolate cherry caramel cappuccino, AND if the date winds up being terrible, you can escape pretty easily. You lose points for lack of creativity though. I mean, a coffee date? How cliché!
- Your campus dining hall: Rating: 1/10. Wait, you’re on a date?
- Art museum: Rating: 3/10 or 6/10. You and your date will either be bored beyond belief, or pleasantly entertained, depending on your respective levels of art appreciation.
- Popular campus eatery: Rating: 8/10. Hey, it’s popular for a reason!
Part 2: Being on a date
Some tips so as to not offend the ladies:
Smell good. You know, shower. And it wouldn’t hurt your chances to put on a little of whatever makes Abercrombie and Fitch smell so good. Seriously, that scent is woman bait. Just don’t bathe in it... if I can smell you before I see you, you have too much on.
Dress nice. You don’t have to bring out the suit; nice jeans and a shirt with buttons is fine. If you show up to a date in sweatpants, you will look like a lazy bum, and the girl will tell all her friends afterward what a bum you are.
Act like a gentleman. The jerk act might draw a girl in, but it’s definitely not what keeps her around. Treat a woman like a person, then a princess, then a Greek goddess, then a person again. Credit to Shawn Spencer from Psych (which is the best show ever… just saying).
Cover the check. If you’re the one who did the asking, then you’re the one who does the paying. That’s how it works.
Part 3: THE KISS
It’s what you’ve been waiting for! The best, most awesome part of any first date is the first kiss! My little bit of advice—save the tongue for the second date. You don’t want to be remembered as “the guy who used too much tongue.”
One last note: Girls are majestic, horrible, beautiful evil creatures—even when we don’t mean to be. Just because a girl goes on a date with you, this doesn’t mean she wants to be on a date with you. How messed up is that? And the thing is, we think we’re being nice by agreeing to go on a date with you, even though we’re going to have a bad time, and you’re going to have a bad time, and in the end, your heart gets crushed and we get a free meal. So a word of caution—pick up on the signs. If a girl looks like she doesn’t want to be there, then you might be on a pity date. Don’t let this get you down, though! You’re an awesomely cool dude, and somewhere a girl is hoping you’ll just ask her out already!
Good luck, guys!
Do you agree with Faye's advice?