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A Dude-tastic Gift Guide for GUYS

A Dude-tastic Gift Guide for GUYS

By Josh Sorokach

You won’t find traditional “dude” gifts like video games, barbells, or trail mix in this post. While those are all fine presents, this list utilizes the gift that lives inside all of us. If you believe I'm referring to a “stork detector” you're mistaken, and should probably have a serious heart-to-heart with your parents regarding the origin of babies. I am, of course, talking about the gift of imagination.

Here are a few unique gift ideas for that special fella in your life—boyfriend, best friend, crush, overly friendly French waiter named Jacque, any fella will do.

1. DO give him a Seth Cohen Starter Kit!

Here's a fun, false fact: 84% of new relationships end due to disastrous gift exchanges. Avoid becoming a completely made-up statistic this holiday season with The "Seth Cohen Starter Kit." Like most of the world's best ideas, this parcel of ingenuity originates from the hit television series The OC. Ideally, your starter kit should include a variety of items that best illustrate your unique pop culture sensibility. For example, if I were to make a "Josh Sorokach Starter Pack," it would contain:

- A copy of John Steinbeck's Winter of Our Discontent and Michael Showalter's Mr. Funny Pants

- A hodgepodge of my favorite movies: Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Kicking and Screaming, and It's a Wonderful Life

- Season two of Arrested Development, Season two of Community, and the SNL 25th Anniversary Show

- An iTunes playlist containing entirely too many 90's one hit wonders

- A coupon for something silly like "One Free Mini-Golf Lesson" with Josh

2. DON'T give him Holiday Socks.

Here you go! I bought you socks you can only wear for three out of 52 weeks without people thinking you're completely bonkers! Bon Appe-Feet!

3. DO give him Cool Clothes!

If creating a gift makes your internal emoticon frown, let's talk retail. Normally, I stay clear of purchasing clothes for friends, family, and strangers because it has a perilously low success rate. Also, strangers are always like, "Good sir, why doth force this ugly sweater upon my humble body?" Rude, articulate strangers aside, my advice is the romantically titled “KISS” approach: Keep It Simple Stud.

Stick with the classics; you can’t go wrong with flannel pajama pants, sports jerseys, or a cozy hoodie. Hoodies make a magnificent guy gift. Every time I throw down $50 bucks on a sweatshirt I think to myself, "Josh, you silly, handsome mountain of a man. $50 dollars!? That's like a million Swedish Fish if you buy in bulk!" One of my all-time favorite gifts was when my cousin bought me an exact replica of my favorite hoodie that had shrunk. I continued to wear this tiny hoodie even though it made me look like a dopey troll on his way to a jerk convention. I would never spend $50 dollars for a hoodie I already owned, and my cousin already knew that I loved that specific type of hoodie, thus making it the perfect holiday gift!

4. DO give him a Personalized Gift Basket!

I'm obsessed with orange tic tacs. Back in high school, my girlfriend knew this and filled my ENTIRE mailbox with orange tic tacs. It was adorable. Okay. That didn't so much happen to me as it was a scene from the motion picture Juno, but keeping with the trend of thoughtful holiday gifts, how about a personalized gift basket filled with a plethora of his favorite things? Snacks, books, a "free coffee in January" Starbucks tumbler, toss in an Amazon/iTunes gift card along with tickets to his favorite sporting event or magazine/Netflix subscription, and boom, consider yourself Christmased!

5. DON'T give him a Painting of Santa Claus with a Snowman Head and Reindeer Body

Just save some time and paint a self-portrait of you attending therapy.

6. DO give him a Do-It-Yourself Collage!

I'm awful at so, so, SO many things that normal inhabitants of this fine planet of ours seem to accomplish with relative ease. My handwriting has been described as "a well-meaning but uneducated penguin learning to walk." I can't wink. My paper, rock, scissors record stands at a scant 14-198-12, but one of my worst attributes is my almost unbelievable level of artistic ineptitude. If you share my unfortunate curse of only being able to draw a tree that looks like an "almost green bear," I suggest creating a specialized collage of fun 2012 events, personal favorites, or pictures of memories past, and framing that bad boy up for a cheap, yet meaningful, holiday gift. Collages: So easy even Josh can do it. Nope, forget that. Don’t want that to catch on.

7. DON'T give him a Pet Kangaroo Named Alfred

Kangaroos are adorable, but difficult to maintain on a day-to-day basis.

8. DO give him a Personalized Game!

Last week I attended a Holiday party in which I participated in a "Mystery Board Game" gift exchange. My obvious attempt to humblebrag that a persona willingly invited me to a party aside, after we finished rocking around the Christmas tree, a friend unwrapped arguably the best present these eyes ever did see: A personalized version of Guess Who.

The place went bananas. Imagine a personalized version of Guess Who that includes all of your friends, inside jokes, and favorite inanimate objects!? The initial details can be found here, while my progressively original friends were kind enough to write up an updated step by step instruction guide (link leads to an automatic download) of how they created this amazing gift.

What would you include in your “Seth Cohen Starter Kit”? Do you think you'll give any of these presents to your guy?

Topics: Life
Tags: holidays, crushes, boyfriends, presents, diy, funny things, gift giving, homemade gifts, gift guides, gifts for guys

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About the Author
Josh Sorokach

Josh Sorokach is a comedy writer living in New York City. He's a former American Idol winner, three time Olympian, and habitual liar. Follow him on twitter @Joshsorokach.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.