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Auntie SparkNotes: How Do I Break Up With a Hookup?

Auntie SparkNotes: How Do I Break Up With a Hookup?

Hey Auntie,

I was wondering: how do you break up with someone when you're not really "dating"? I'm a senior in high school who met this guy through college classes I'm taking (he's in high school too). We hooked up after our first date, and have had one more date since then. Thing is, I lost interest a while ago (honestly, even before the second date), and have been avoiding hanging out with him since.

I'm consistently telling him I'm too busy, etc., but he seems to not be getting the hint. Auntie, how do I "break up" with this guy when I don't even think we're dating? This is a small school, and an even smaller high school program, so it's important we stay on good terms.

Well... dang. So, I guess sending a singing gorilla-gram to his homeroom to serenade him in front of everyone with Lily Allen's "Never Gonna Happen" is a no-go, then?


And also, what you're asking for may not be achievable—just because a guy who can't read between the lines when you're suddenly, eternally "too busy" too hang out is a guy who may feel very foolish, and take it very personally, when you unequivocally reject him. So, be forewarned: as much as you'd like to stay on good terms, depending on this dude's maturity, you might have to settle for the more accessible goal of just keeping things from getting ugly.

But either way, the best way to ensure a good reaction to an unpleasant truth is to treat the recipient like he can handle it—which you'll do by being polite, straightforward, and matter-of-fact. Tell this guy you appreciate his invites, and it's nothing personal, but you'd rather keep things platonic from here on out. You're just not feeling it. No big deal.

And then, all he's got to do is follow your lead by not making it into one.
Don't sweat it, Sparkler: you got this.

Have you ever delivered a straightforward "No" to a clueless crush? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at

Topics: Advice
Tags: auntie sparknotes, breakups, dating, advice, hooking up

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About the Author

Kat Rosenfield is a writer, illustrator, advice columnist, YA author, and enthusiastic licker of that plastic liner that comes inside a box of Cheez-Its. She loves zombies and cats. She hates zombie cats. Follow her on Twitter or Tumblr @katrosenfield.

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