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Quiz: Which Post-Apocalyptic Job Is Right for You?

Quiz: Which Post-Apocalyptic Job Is Right for You?

By Sean McCarthy

The world ends on December 21, take this brief quiz to find out what job is right for you if you are one of the unlucky few to survive.

1. On a first date I like to…

A) Ask my date what kind of music he/she enjoys. Use that as a segway to tell him/her that I’m a musician.

B) Talk about how great Ron Paul is.

C) Humble brag about how much money I have then ask them if they want to go Dutch.

D) Ditch and leave them with the bill if it isn’t going well.

2. At a party I usually…

A) Bring my guitar and wait for someone to ask me to play it. Act modest to try and get them to insist.

B) Talk about how great Ron Paul is.

C) Give people my card and tell them to call me if they want to get serious about investing.

D) See what doors are unlocked and steal unattended laptops and smartphones.

3. On a typical Friday night I usually…

A) Complain about all the shows that I’m not booked on because of "industry politics."

B) Talk about how great Ron Paul is.

C) See if any night clubs will let me pay the admission fee in gold.

D) Destroy evidence. TiVo Supernatural.

4. My favorite thing to do on the internet is…

A) Try to sell that 12th copy of my CD.

B) Talk about how great Ron Paul is.

C) Read CNBC and post incredulous Facebook updates about the Federal Reserve.

D) Use Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram to find out who recently bought expensive things or isn’t currently home.

5. If I were trapped on a sinking ship I would…

A) Face death with dignity knowing that the world is losing a great artist. Scream a lot.

B) Be sad that this will be the last time I get to talk about how great Ron Paul is.

C) Shortsell the stock of the company that owns the ship I’m on.

D) Repent.

Check your answers and match the letter that you selected the most with the profession below. If two professions are tied, congratulations, you’re a hard worker in the new economy!

Mostly As) You are a... Lonesome Bard: If there’s one thing people will need after the event it is someone to pierce the horrifying silence of death. Artistically you may not be ideally suited to the role but you’re definitely the most alive of all the qualified musicians. People might get sick of you constantly covering Bob Dylan’s “A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall” so make sure to expand into some other acoustic songs about nuclear armageddon.

Mostly Bs) You are a... Gloating Ron Paul Supporter: As civilization collapses around you you’ll be able to take comfort in one thing: you were completely right. You warned them about what would happen if they didn’t vote for Ron Paul and here we are. Sure you might not have been specific enough about the giant irradiated scorpions or the strange buzzing sound all survivors report hearing but you definitely got the gist right. People didn’t vote for Ron Paul and something terrible happened. In addition to being smug all the time you’ll get to live in a world free from all government regulation, taxation, or other people. Welcome to paradise.

Mostly Cs) You are a... Gold for Skulls Merchant: You were smart enough to hoard all that gold, now for stage two of the operation, skulls. People will have plenty of skulls of loved ones they are trying to get rid of and with no functionary currency they’ll need gold. Once you have an impressive collection of skulls you’ll be ready for the second event. Oh you thought the December 21st event was it? No, there’s a second event coming and it’s going to make the first event look like a gentle summer breeze. After you survive the second event that’s when you start trading your skulls for the real prize, old vinyl copies of Michael Jackson’s album Thriller. Trust us, they’ll help you during the third event.

Mostly Ds) You are a... Bandit: Robbing and stealing is your game. Whether it is robbing survivors or breaking into abandoned shopping malls you’re here to take whatever isn’t bolted down or tightly guarded by the mysterious Order of the Great Triangle. With no government to hold you accountable banditry is easy as long as you don’t have any morals or compassion for others. Great profession for former Wall Street employees.

Topics: Life
Tags: jobs, quizzes, the apocalypse, personality quizzes

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