Here are 25 glorious reasons to be happy on this dreary, crappy Monday!
1. You still have 14 shopping days until Christmas, and remember: Sneaker sizes typically run small and quality diamonds rarely have an odor.
2. It’s the third day of Hanukkah! This is the day that the Hanukkah falcon delivers jelly donuts to the children of the most average height! (Note: Not sure if the Hanukkah falcon is a real tradition, but it was in my house and should be in your’s as well.)
3. It’s Raven-Symone’s 27th birthday! Perhaps she’s celebrating by having friends over.
4. Paint your fingernails a wild color, but use more subtle hues for your toes and teeth.
5. Word of the Day: Pugnacious. Definition: Ready to fight. Example: “The air was pugnacious,” wrote the awful writer.
6. Happy birthday to everyone who was born today. Blowing out candles is fun, but if you want a wish to come true, the only way to extinguish a candle flame is via somersault wind.
7. Some Macy’s stores will stay open all night during the days before Christmas. Now there’s no excuse not to buy Grandma that pair of skinny jeans she’s been craving.
8. It’s 12/10/12!!!! That doesn’t mean anything. Neither does 12/12/12. Numbers happen, people. Get over it.
9. Monday is the best day to have Doritos for lunch.
10. These monkey do not mess around. The Hercules monkeys lift heavy stones to crack nuts. In 50 years, when they overthrow our government, don’t even try to be noble about humanity. Side with the strong monkeys. It’ll be easier that way.
12. Make news about the Fiscal Cliff more interesting by adding “ya dingbat” to the end of every sentence.
13. How about all those football games yesterday? Sports! Wait! Don’t go! The next sentence contains the word “unicorn” and you won’t want to miss it!
14. Consider This: You can remember the difference between a stalagmite and a stalactite because a unicorn’s horn is “mighty” like stalagmite, meaning it rises up towards the sky.
15. France is thinking of banning all homework. Dogs to go hungry.
16. Elf Quote of the Day: “I thought maybe we could make gingerbread houses, and eat cookie dough, and go ice skating, and maybe even hold hands.”
17. Today is the busiest shipping day for FedEx. It’s made even busier because I’m shipping 700 boxes of precocious (and precious) baby spiders who have little regard for packing tape. Should be interesting.
18. Cat of the Day: Any cat with Mr. in its name.
19. You can watch nine minutes of Star Trek Into Darkness, but that doesn’t change the fact that the title sounds like fan fiction translated from Japanese.
20. The day is the almost over!
21. Stop reading this and study for finals.
22. Blast from the Past: Last year at this time, Blogging Harry Potter went off the rails and focused on Justin Bieber's “Little Drummer Boy.”
23. Craft Idea: Turn old plastic milk jugs into awful wind chimes using string.
24. Cake pops are great if you’re not hungry, hate regular-sized portions of cake, or you’re an ant.
25. Quick Poll: