Search Menu

December Horoscopes

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Be on the lookout for omens and portents this month, Aries, as Venus is descending, Mercury is in your third house, and Neptune is rummaging around in your refrigerator. The stars advise that every leaf pile you jump into will be full of slugs, but the ones you scrupulously avoid will be full of doubloons. Watch out for icicles this month, but do not watch out for stalactites at all. Your ONE WEIRD TIP for weight loss is to spend one hour each day fleeing from an elephant. Your lucky career is" target="_blank"> Garbage Anthropologist.

Topics: Life
Tags: horoscopes, slideshows

Write your own comment!