If all the decorations don’t cheer you up, here are 25 more reasons to give today a big hug and a butt squeeze.
1. Kate Middleton is still pregnant. Yesterday someone (can’t remember who) Tweeted the following to his fellow Americans. “People, we fought a war so we wouldn’t have to care about royal births.”
2. If you don’t like something, change it! Students in Austria are suing Facebook over privacy issues. While Facebook is neat, it’s always interesting when the people fight back against a corporation. Besides, if Facebook ever crumbles, I can finally launch my own social media site, BuddyPeopleCircus/fun_fun_fun.com.
3. Three questions. What is this? Why have 7 million people watched it? Why do I keep watching it?
4. It’s Jay-Z’s 42nd birthday! Celebrate by telling people the Z stands for Zathura.
5. Gift Idea For Someone Who Really Loves Closets: This curly hanger.
6. Word of the Day: Juxtapose. Definition: Things placed together to show contrast. Example: The calm, napping walrus was juxtaposed with the vengeful, weaponized giraffe.
7. Craft Idea: Fill a jar with something.
8. Here’s what Ashton Kutcher looks like as Steve Jobs for the upcoming movie. He certainly looks the part, but then again, so does every regular guy you see on the bus.
9. Let’s all start pronouncing the W in “whole.” If we all do it, it won’t be weird.
10. You can rent puppies.
11. Flavor tattoos! Tattoos that you can lick for a lifetime! Why has no one invented this? Does anyone know the number for the patent office? And the number of a tattoo shop? And the number for a company that makes non-toxic flavor ink?
12. Go ahead. Cut your hair! It will grow back, just like fingernails or the evil lurking in Mordor.
13. It’s flu season. Stay healthy by washing your hands and holding your breath when you mouth-kiss strangers.
14. Consider This: The first person to say “cray-cray” was probably crazy.
15. New, hip way to say “crazy”: Bark into your hands.
16. ZeptoLab created the addictive Cut the Rope game, and the company’s new game comes out at the end of the month. It’s called Pudding Monsters. Sadly, it doesn’t look they treated the world of pudding monsters with sincerity. It seems almost cartoony. When will dessert beasts get the respect they deserve?!?!
17. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is on CBS tonight! It’s holiday classic that teaches us all that children in olden times didn’t have the Cartoon Network or the internet, so they had to watch this stilted animated bore. (But I love it.)
18. Following Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, CBS is airing an episode of NCIS, because after watching a Christmas special about holiday cheer, it’s best to watch a show about gruesome forensic murder investigations. Happy holidays!
19. Elf Quote of the Day: “So good news. I saw a dog today.”
20. Dog of the Day: This dog that can talk to babies.
21. Money Matters: You can save a fortune on cards by buying your Fourth of July cards today!
22. Headline of the Day: Squirrels Teach Robots to Lie, Nobody Questions Whether That’s A Good Idea.
23. The Little Drummer Boy was probably an annoying jerk as he grew up, especially in college. “Hey, did I ever tell you about that time I played drums for Jesus?”
24. There is nothing wrong with the way you run, and don’t let anyone tell you differently. Just, maybe, do it with a little less drool.
25. Quick Poll: