Recently Robert Pattinson has been trying to throw his hat in the ring to take a role in the new Star Wars movie. Now unless Disney decides to throw moody emo vampires into the plot (Disney, if you read this post, that is NOT a valid suggestion) we think Pattinson would be as good of a fit as Princess Leia's bikini on Jar Jar Binks. Below are 5 more actors we think would legitmately ruin Star Wars—and then, to cheer you up, 5 more we think would be awesome!
1. Kristen Stewart
We're going to go out on a very short limb and say Kristen Stewart would be a bomb. Not 'da bomb. A bomb. Let's just say she's makes a better set piece than a thespian. And if we were talking about a rom-com, or a Nicholas Sparks movie, we'd say sure, cast her. But Star Wars already HAS awesome sets. And props. And costumes. You've got to act beyond them. We don't think Stewart could manage to act her way past the handle of a light saber. Plus, if she ever had to use the Force, she'd ruin it by squinting and flipping her hair.
2. Hillary Swank
First of all, she probably wouldn't agree to be in it because it's not either a biopic of some kind. Not that we think Hillary Swank is a bad actress, per se. She just wouldn't fit. We couldn't see her being game to piloting a X-wing, or talking with R2D2 without be condescending. You HAVE to be game to be able to be a Star Wars cast member. By being game we mean being the kind of person who, even as an adult, still hopes one day to use the Force to turn the coffee pot on. We don't see Swank doing that.
3. Zac Efron
This isn't High School musical, Zac. No one's singing. Except the Ewoks. (And no, we don't want a life-sized Ewoks dancing around lockers). This is serious space stuff. Good vs. Evil. Empire vs. Rebels—there are CLONES. Also, anyone who labels themself "Charismatic" on their personal web site wouldn't be a good fit. Just sayin'. We know what Yoda would say to that: "Not Jedi material, you are."
4. Taylor Swift
Admittedly, you new album, Red, has some super catchy tunes. We think you should stick to music though. We saw you in Valentine's Day, and we thought it was a nice effort. You're great in your cute music videos. Stick with 'em. Just don't do Star Wars (and no offense, but thank GOD they didn't cast you in Les Miserables, and went with Samantha Barks instead).
5. Shia LaBeouf
He singled handedly killed Indiana Jones and The Crystal Skull. Ok, that's not true. There were a lot of things that murdered that movie, but he was probably the biggest accessory to the crime. He is NOT a good inheritor of the Indy hat. When that fedora at the end flew to him, we wanted to jump into the screen, and yell "NOOOOOOOO!" Thank God Indy (a.k.a Harrison Ford a.k.a the REAL Indiana Jones) took it away before he could touch it. Thank. God.
5 Actors Who Would Supernova Star Wars (And We Use Supernova in a Good Way)
1. Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Mark Hamill
2. Jensen Ackles
If you haven't been watching Supernatural, well, you're depriving yourself of some good ole fashioned demon killing. The show is further lifted into awesomeness by its cast, particularly Jensen Ackles as Dean Winchester. He's funny with that devil-may-care attitude that gives great line delivery, plus he can do action AND drama (did anyone else cry when he went to Hell for Sam?). OMG—he should play Han Solo's son! We could just see them having great chemistry and getting on each other's nerves. Now there's a true successor to the Harrison Ford crown.
3. Daniel Craig
We don't know what kind of villain he'd play, but he should play one. Can't you just SEE him using his James Bond mojo and piercing blue eyes for evil? Shooting lightning out of his hands like the Emperor? Except he would be way cooler about it, and kill someone with just a twitch of his little pinky. That's how evil he could be.
4. Chloe Grace Moretz
The girl has action, drama, and comedy down. She was fantastic as a tiny assassin in Kick-Ass. She was great as a lonely boy's best friend in Hugo. And she played a much better vampire in Let Me In than anyone in the Twilight franchise. We can see her fitting in with all the Star Wars heroines: beauty with brains and not afraid to grab a blaster and take out a whole platoon of Storm Troopers.
5. Alan Tudyk
Personally, we think Alan Tudyk should be in EVERY MOVIE IN THE ENTIRE 'VERSE. We are still furious with Joss Whedon for killing him off in Serenity. (You KEPT River, but you got rid of Wash??? Come. On. River is just a brunette Buffy with the creep factor turned way up). We want Tudyk as a sidekick, a protagonist, whatever. We'd even take him as a droid. What are we saying—he'd make a great droid! Disney, make it happen.
Who do you NOT want to see in the new Star Wars movies?