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What To Do When You've Been Unfriended on Facebook

What To Do When You've Been Unfriended on Facebook

Some of us have so many Facebook friends it barely warrants a blip on the radar when we lose one. Some of us have so few that every heart-wrenching unfriending causes actual, physical pain, like losing a fraction of your soul. Either way, when you notice you've been unfriended, particularly by someone you thought you were on good terms with, it merits a feeling of "what the hell?" Okay, sure, you guys weren't best friends, but seriously... what the hell? The worst people to get unfriended by are as follows:

  • Your crush.
  • Your best friend.
  • Your grandma.
  • Your grandpa.
  • Pretty much any family member you thought was too out-of-touch to even turn on a computer.
  • Your teacher.
  • Your mom.

That being said, here's what to do when you've been unfriended on Facebook:

1) Nothing.
2) Nothing.
3) Seriously... NOTHING.

The only thing worse than getting unceremoniously unfriended is doing something about it. It's like getting cut off in traffic and vowing to embark on a lifelong mission of revenge. But sometimes an unfriending is personal, and in that case, there are options for those that are brave of heart and desperate of soul:

Have a party. Invite all of the mutual Facebook friends you two have. That way, hilarious pictures will show up on their Newsfeed, and they'll see what they're missing out on, not being your friend. That'll show them. Just make sure everyone's having a good time, or photos of people falling asleep at the refreshments table will start cropping up, and the joke will be on you. (To ensure your party's success, get a pinata, a miniature horse, and a bounce house. You really have to suck to mess up a party with a pinata, a miniature horse, and a bounce house.)

Create a whole new Facebook identity, and make it the coolest person that ever there was. Soon enough, they will be begging to be your friend. Then you can reject them. Coldly. Heartlessly. The way they rejected you.

Win them back. Send them friend requests each time they reject you. They'll appreciate your persistence. If they're letting your request rot, send them nice messages. Poetry. E-hugs. Initiate a poke war. (Everyone loves that.) When they inevitably block you, you can go right ahead and kidnap their dog. Okay, so it's a bit of an escalation, but drastic times call for drastic measures. Promise the safe return of their beloved family pet as soon as your friend request has been accepted. If they agree to handle the hostage negotiation outside the practiced hand of law enforcement, it's a good sign. True Facebook friendships are built on stuff like that.

Egg their house. We're not sure what this will accomplish exactly, but it'll be a cathartic release of pent-up aggression at their betrayal, and their porch and windows will be all yolky.

Have you ever been unfriended on Facebook? How did you respond?

Topics: Life, The Internets
Tags: facebook, guides, funny things, how to, facebook friends, unfriending

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In real life, she goes by the name Courtney Gorter. This is a closely guarded secret, and you're the only one who knows about it, so be cool. You can follow her on Twitter or check out her website if you want, but it's just going to be a lot of complaining.

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