The lucky ones may still be on Thanksgiving vacation, but for the rest of the world it’s back to business. (That’s why the suit and top hat.) It’s time to smile and laugh because here are the 25 reasons November 26th is the best November 26th of them all! It’s the 26thiest!!
1. It’s Cyber Monday! Online retailers are offering all kinds of goodness, but the checkout line at iTunes this morning was crazy!
2. ‘Tis the season! The holiday season is officially here and that’s reason enough to be happy, whether you celebrate the birth of Jesus, Hanukah, Kwanzaa, Yule, the Solstice, Cold Halloween, the birth of Peter Facinelli, Reindeer Appreciation Month, Almost President’s Day, Festivus, Death of the Old Year, St. Nicholas Day, Not Father’s Day, ABC Family’s the 25 Days of Christmas, or Boxing Day!
3. Otters! Thanks to webcams, you can watch otters any time you’d like. That can be your hobby. You can just spend the entire day watching otters. Thank you, internet.
4. Song You Weren’t Thinking of Today, But Now You Are: “To all the other kids with the pumped-up kicks, you better run, better run, faster than my bullet.” Ha! You were just incepted!
5. Ugh. “Gangam Style” is now the most watched YouTube video of all time, with more than 825 million views. It has even surpassed the mighty Bieber. The upside: It’s going to be fun explaining to your children who Psy was and why riding an invisible horse was once the epitome of culture. You will also need to explain: Rebecca Black, the Ermahgerd! meme, and why Kony2012 was once the most important issue of the entire world for exactly three days until we all got bored. #trendsNEVERdie
6. Consider This: There are now 14 college teams in the Big Ten conference. If one were mean, one could make a joke here regarding the math and counting skills of stereotypical athletes. But that would be mean. (giggle)
7. Today is actor Peter Facinelli's birthday. Peter is best known for playing Carlisle in the Twilight movies and having a name that sounds like a twirly pasta noodle.
8. Money Matters: This year, it would cost $107,000 to buy all the items in the song “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” The cost of a hippopotamus from the song “I Want a Hippopotamus For Christmas” is unknown because the zoo and local butcher are not taking my inquiries seriously.
9. Have we all seen Skyfall by now? No? Damn. Go see it! It’s great! And I want to talk about the ending and the bad guy and...and...just go see it!
10. Stop Eating Leftovers! According to science and the internet, leftover turkey lasts for three days. It’s time to let the bird go. Eat some hippo jerky instead.
11. Wouldn’t It Be Great: If we all just played one giant, huge, epic game of Mario Party? With like 8,000 players? I get to be Donkey Kong.
12. Money REALLY Matters: You could win the $425 million Powerball. And if you do, you have to give me half of it because it was my idea for you to win.
13. Did you watch Lindsay Lohan in Liz and Dick last night. According to last night’s Tweets, everyone in the world was watching it but me.
14. Batman Road exists! There’s an actual street named “Batman Road” in Zionsville, PA. Here is a picture! Everyone move here.
15. Did you not read item 14? Pack up! Move to Batman Road!
16. Hmm...Batman Road might be a trap set by the Joker, or Zionsville's community board trying to lure in new residents. Still worth it! Batman Road!
17. You could be the next Secretary of State! Now that Hillary Clinton is moving out of President Obama’s cabinet (ha...that sounds funny) there’s a job opening at the White House. You should try out. Auditions are in the cafeteria after school.
18. If you live on Batman Road, can you send me a letter just so I can have the return address framed?
19. Have you ever heard of a crime committed on Batman Road? Exactly.
20. Not only is today Cyber Monday, but tomorrow is Robot Tuesday, followed by Lizard Wednesday, Omniscient Thursday, Lopsided Friday, Eww Saturday, and Who Cares Sunday. (Note: At press time, these names were unofficial.)
21. Because Thanksgiving was early this year, there are more shopping days between Thanksgiving and Christmas. And by “Shopping Days” I mean “Days to Eat Raw Hot Chocolate Powder While Ordering Presents For Yourself Online.”
22. How about that Fiscal Cliff? (I assume Fiscal Cliff is a very rich man named Cliff...and he wears a monocle and uses words like “Humbug” and “Tomfoolery.”)
23. Shopping Tip: If you’re ordering items online, but forgot your account password, it’s probably “HawtDogs!8999.” Worked for me.
24. Yes, it sucks that Thanksgiving is over, but the biggest holiday of the year is just around the corner. (Arbor Day is April 26th!!!!)
25. Quick Poll: