Happy Thanksgiving! Here are reason to be thankful today:
1. Music! Without music, pianos would just be fancy, stringy desks.
2. The internet! Without the internet, you would be looking at a blank screen right now and your family would worry about you. Also, the internet tells us how old Harrison Ford is. He’s 70 and was born in July. Thanks, internet!
3. Rain! Without rain, clouds would fill up the entire sky until they got so full that they would crash down on us like boulders. Then we’d die.
4. Internet search engines! Without search engines, the internet would be a useless slush of random websites and we would just have to hope that “www.HarrisonFordBirthday.computer” would give us the information we needed.
5. Eyelids. Without eyelids, we’d have to wink with our mouths and that just looks creepy.
6. School! Without school, no one would know how to find the area of triangle and then triangles would have the upper hand. Lousy, secretive triangles...
7. Throwing stars! Without throwing stars, defending the house on Thanksgiving would be nearly impossible.
8. Wheels! Without wheels, roller skates would just be heavy, ugly shoes.
9. Food! Without food, we would eat trees and then we’d have no more wood for furniture or drawbridges.
10. Glass! Without glass, there would be no screen on our phones and Angry Birds would be difficult to play.
11. String! Without string, kites and balloons wouldn’t respect our authority.
12. Puppies! Without puppies, what’s the point of having eyes and hands?
13. Shelter! Without shelter, our string and throwing stars would get wet.
14. Dessert! Without dessert, meals would end by eating a handful of oats.
15. Toilets! Without these mighty water chairs, the world would be an awful place.
16. Secret Formula 51-XG! Without Secret Formula 51-XG, you would remember that you’re really a highly trained special agent. Now go ahead and drink another bottle of “water.”
17. Doors! Without doors, how would you get into the elevator?
18. Cameras! Without cameras, we’d have to guess what Abe Lincoln’s beard really looked like. (No one would believe the artists.)
19. Mobile devices! Without mobile devices, we’d have to make eye contact with people on the street.
20. Sauce! Without sauce, spaghetti and pizza would be smothered in jelly, jam, or broth.
21. Ground! Without the ground, sitting would be difficult.
22. Shoulders! Without shoulders, backpacks, guitars, and purses would need to be carried via some sort of adhesive or in our teeth.
23. Capes! Without capes, you couldn't look at a picture of Superman and tell which direction he was traveling.
24. Buckets! Without buckets, we would all die. Instantly.
25. You! Without you, this list would be trapped in the cold, dark internet forever and ever.