This week has been jam-packed with life lessons, my dearest Sparklers. In fact, my life this week would have been the perfect Lifetime movie, minus the teen pregnancies and dramatic crying sessions every 60 seconds. (And by the way, I could totally be in a Lifetime movie. Have you seen the acting in those things? No bueno.)
The first lesson was one that I had to learn the hard way. And by “hard,” I mean indescribably embarrassing and brutally painful to watch (according to my friends). The best way to describe it was like looking at a train wreck or a dead dear on the side of the road—you know it’s absolutely HORRIBLE, and yet you find yourself unable to look away. If I wrote the experience down, I couldn’t do it justice. So here is a lovely video to explain the whole shebang:
Now, I know what you’re thinking: TALIE WHAT THE HECK WERE YOU THINKING?? In my defense, I was blissfully unaware of the fact that what I was doing is usually considered “socially unacceptable."
Speaking of things that are socially unacceptable, I also did something off of the Bucket List…
Number 29: Tie some stranger’s untied shoelace.
Apparently, it is frowned upon in most societies to tie a total stranger's untied shoelace. I guess people assume that you’re either hitting on them or trying to steal their wallet or shoes or whatever. Or maybe a combination of the three. Who the heck knows?
All I know is that I noticed some chick’s shoe was untied on my way to class. So I innocently/politely pointed it out to her and offered to tie it for her.
Her response? “Why?”
OH, FORGIVE ME FOR BEING NICE. But I refused to give up, Sparklers! You would have been so proud of me.
I responded, “So you don’t trip!” I followed it up with a 100 watt, face-splitting smile.
She said, “Fine.” Most people would’ve taken this as a rejection. But whateva, whateva. I do what I want. So I proceeded to get on my knee and tie her shoe for her. In hindsight, it probably looked like I was about to propose to her, which would explain the panicky look on her face.
When I finished, she quickly said, “Thanks” and walked/ran away. But then I lovingly yelled after her “YOU’RE WELCOME HAVE A FANTASTIC DAY.”
I wasn’t exactly sad or mad at this encounter. In all honesty, it kind of made me sad that someone would be so mistrusting of super kind, SUPER ADORABLE strangers with frizzy hair that offer to tie their shoes. I figure that if I die any time soon, my ghost would come back to haunt this chick, offering to tie her untied laces in a ghoulish manner.
So the lesson that I learned from this? I need to make the world a freakin happier place one shoelace at a time!! Also, I can relate to T-Swizzle more after this experience. You know how she writes a song about every boy she breaks up with? I’m thinking some songs about my awkward situations are in order. I shall name this one “Frailty, Thy Name is Shoelace.”
Yet that doesn’t even begin to cover all of the wonderful life lessons bestowed upon me this week. Life Lesson Number 294 taught me that Twitter isn’t all that’s cracked up to be, nor is it the pointless social site that I originally thought it would be. My friend convinced me to get one, and all I’ve posted is completely random thoughts that pop into my head, as well as the occasional video or whatever that I throw out into the vast space of the internet. Which is pointless, considering that my two followers consist of my dad and the one friend that convinced me to actually get a Twitter. And I’m pretty sure the only reason why he wanted me to get one is so he could get more followers. (Oh, and my Twitter is @taliewa, if y’all wanted to know.)
But I have finally come to a conclusion about Twitter: if you’re posting pointless stuff such as “I just got a root beer today, and the clouds are shaped like little turtles,” please do something more productive with your time. Perhaps read a book, or just stare at a book. But if you post witty and hilarious stuff, then I am all over dat like a teeny-bopper at One Direction concert.
Whoa. We’ve covered some deep stuff today. I now feel like I need to sleep for 50 million years, and have sweet, beautiful dreams about Logan Lerman. Mmm.
What are your thoughts on Twitter?