The midweek brings joy and wonderment. Or just boredom. Still, you can attack the boredom by reading 25 scientific reasons to celebrate today.
1. Channing Tatum was selected as People Magazine’s sexiest man alive. He now shares the prize with former winners Mark Harmon (really?), Nick Nolte (you mean this guy?), and Pierce Brosnan (you grandma probably liked his accent). Enjoy this Forever Fame, Chan.
2. Yesterday was the first day of Diwali. This was not on yesterday’s list because I’m a horrible, forgetful person. Apologies. Now can I come to you sweet Diwali party?! They sound fun! I can bring a boom box! Happy Diwali, everyone!
3. Consider this: How many people looking for a professional spackler made a typo and found Sparklers and SparkNotes instead? Trillions, probably.
4. Facebook continues to fail. The new “Couples Pages” are the latest addition in the series of unwanted, unnecessary, and just plain stupid changes Facebook has made over the past year. While some may like the idea of a Couples Page, it has very obsessive, clingy nature to it that most (guys?) won’t enjoy. Countdown to MySpace’s comeback: 5...4...3...2...
5. Are you excited about the Wii U? Sure, it looks like a less-functional iPad, and your little cousin will probably break it the first day, but we still like Nintendo. Right? [Goes back to playing Halo 4]
6. Sentence of Knowledge: Wednesday is named after the Norse god Odin, because back in olden’ times, people didn’t talk correctly, so "Odin" sounded like "Wednesday."
7. Waffle House was a trending topic on Yahoo this morning. I got excited, but the story wasn’t about free waffles. It was about a sex scandal and not even a waffle-based sex scandal. Now I’m sad and bored. Hungry, too.
8. Craft Corner: Need a Christmas wreath but don’t know how to make one? Have an extra toilet seat and green wrapping paper? You know what to do.
9. Octopus Bracelet. If I were a woman, or man with greater wrist confidence, I’d wear this.
10. If you’re looking for a workout that shall prepare you for battle, add this Rogue War Hammer to your fitness routine. Who knew exercise could be so exciting?
11. If a friend is annoying, and won’t shut up, mentally add the phrase “like a cat fart” to the end of everything they say. Works with parents and teachers, too.
12. It’s the birthday of The Ready Set, which is just one guy named Jordan Mark Witzigreuter.
13. It’s also the birthday of Saturday Night Live cast member Vanessa Bayer, whose real name is The Almost Ready Set.
14. How’s National Novel Writing Month? To increase word count, always mention every character's middle name.
15. Gaming Tip: When playing Duck, Duck Goose, if your head is tapped, don’t immediately run after your opponent. Instead, stay seated and play the waiting game. Embrace being a goose.
16. Your hair isn’t slimy, and if it is slimy, be thankful that it’s not slimier.
17. If you need a name for your baby, name it OMG. That way, she will think the world is always talking to her. Example: “OMG! Is Kendall Jenner dating Jaden Smith!?!?!”
18. But seriously, is Kendall Jenner dating Jaden Smith? If so, there will much to talk about at my family’s Thanksgiving dinner this year, including the topics of:
-Who is Kendall Jenner?
-Is Jaden Smith that karate boy?
-Huh? Why did you mention Kendall Jameson and Jaden Karate?
-Dan, don’t you think you’ve had enough corn?
-Sure hope we don’t get much snow this winter.
-The tree in the backyard.
-So this is what you do all day, Dan? Write about Kendall and karate guys?
-Dessert looks good.
19. Warning: To make this day happy, do not step in a snake pit.
20. Guy Fieri opened a new restaurant in Time Square, and according to critics, it sucks. The upside: At least he didn’t open a hair salon! Ssssssssnap! #hilarious
21. Tea is even better with robots.
22. Another TV show about Amish people is being crammed into your TV this December.
23. There are still 4252% shopping days until Christmas, though the calculator may be displaying false information after it was accidentally bathed in coffee and tears.
24. Lesson to Learn: If you’re being bitten by a dog or stung by a bee, instead of thinking about bright copper kettles and packages with string, scream for help or fight back.
25. Let’s end with a quick poll: