Dear Most Honorable Sparkitors,
We the undersigned Sparklers/Manklers respectfully request that you organize a Sparknotes Convention for all Sparklers/Manklers to come, meet each other, and generally have fun for sometime during the summer.
* We, your humble, easily entertained disciples; the Sparklers, wish to make a proposition. We have recently discovered a void in our lives which only you can fill; a desire which only you by your mercy can satisfy. We have never seen Sparknotes headquarters. How we have survived this long without meeting the editors and touching the high-tech computers on which their articles are written is simply beyond comprehension. We cannot take it any longer.
It would take place in New York City (which is apparently where HQ is located, though no one has been there.) Our first night we will have a “cocktail” party with free virgin strawberry daiquiris. The night will end with several rousing speeches for the Sparkitors who may cry if they wish. The next morning you will give us a tour of the HQ including a demonstration of the stereo system and at least one turn on the slide. (I’m sure you have one.) We will raid your emergency stash of cheez its and tour the haunted rooms of editors past. You will show us your bank accounts so we can marvel at the amount of money you are making off us. Then you will sit and listen to our demands. We will grumble about the new layout, suggest hundreds of article ideas, then tell you what we will do if you don’t listen to them. After several hours of this we will all go see Newsies on Broadway and crash in our beds about 3am. Our last day will be an all-day movie marathon. We can either watch Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, or Harry Potter followed by a brief hour and a half discussion on why the book was better. The final party will be reminiscent of prom because the majority of Sparklers are either self-proclaimed nerds who will never go to prom or homeschoolers who will never have one. Because the girls will inevitably outnumber the boys, you will fly in a great many good-looking male celebrities who we will faint at the sight of. The highlight of the night however will be the shocking revelation that Chelsea Dagger is actually a caped super hero who saves New York from danger. We will all cheer like banshees. On this night we will be in our rooms by 12 because of our mother’s curfew.* Then we shall leave crying with everlasting memories of the awesomeness of the Sparkitors and each and every Sparkler.
If you would kindly take our petition under consideration and put on such a Convention the Sparklers/Manklers shall be eternally in your debt.
Thank you for your time and energy contributing to and maintaining a site that we all love and could not live without,
Stickshiftguy, soccer2rules33, Hippycat826, annacarmen4376, naturelover100, Pandora_1, simmysandhu, horsechick180, paradiselight, audrey0018, agentoboe, AceOwl94, happyperson15, My-Fair-Googie, xXx_Dragon_Rider_xXx, WriterGirl13, Bookweirm, RedGirlRocks, PseudoHobbit, hammandcheese94, PurpleNerdNumber7, PlathAddict16, Arwen_Elven_Evenstar, and all who frequent the OT unnamed herein.
P.S. If it would be possible for the Green brothers, yes THE Green brothers, to show up that would be awesome!
P.P.S. If Green Day, AC/DC, Ed Sheeran, and Metalhead could be contracted to play the convention we will forever love you guys, even more than we do now!!!
*taken from My-Fair-Googie’s original proposal*
Originally published on November 3, 2012.