Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Watch out, Aries; you will be forced to confront a looming disaster this month, so you might want to learn how to repair a loom. But don't get discouraged; If you keep your eyes to the sun, you will never see the darkness, or indeed anything else for that matter. Your Prohibition-era one-liner is "It was the dame, see? Nyah!" (Use it when you wish to clarify that something wasn't your doing, and was, in actuality, the dame.) Your lucky Wikipedia list is the list of sandwiches.