Being trapped in your apartment by a storm has gotten our gears going: what would you do if suddenly the dead rose and you was faced with World War Z? Or aliens suddenly landed and decided humans were the chaff of the wheat that is Planet Earth? Or a comet was bearing down to give us a taste of what the dinosaurs [did not] live through? Thanks to Hollywood, we know exactly what NOT to do if any of these situations ever arise.
1. Go to a roof party and dance around under the alien warship
Remember Jasmine's friend in Independence Day who did this? Yeeeaaaaah. If suddenly huge threatening spaceships appear in the sky and the aliens don't make any attempt at contact, it's a pretty broad hint they're being anti-social. Jeesh. They just want to obliterate our planet in peace, people. Nothing harshes an extra-terrestrial's mellow like an unwanted roof party. Annoy them enough and they'll open up their big ray gun and fry you while your getting your groove on.
2. Storing your zombies in a basement and starting a gun fight with the police who are trying to SAVE YOUR LIFE
An entire building complex actually does this in George Romero's classic zombie flick Dawn of the Dead. Yes, I understand there is dignity in death. Yes, I get how we have to respect those who have passed. Yes, I know that was your cute younger sister who is now a walking undead creeper. But I think dignity, respect, and emotional ties go out the window when little Debbie tries to EAT YOUR FACE OFF. She's not so cute now, is she?
3. Bringing a gun on a last ditch mission to save Earth from a huge asteroid
Sure, take your fierce M9 and shoot at the killer asteroid. It will laugh and then give you a lesson in astrophysics as the recoil sends you barreling off into outer space on a mission to nowhere (or until you hit Mars). Granted, when Armageddon's Col. Willie Sharp whipped out his handgun, he didn't try to shoot the asteroid (just Bruce Willis). However, the resulting scene just proved that while guns may kill people, they do absolutely nothing against enormous killer space rocks. Also, never, ever make John McClane mad. Even though he may be hampered by a spacesuit, he can still kick your butt.
4. Not listening to Jeff Goldblum
He may look like a hippie with his little cowrie necklace, he may have a crappy go-nowhere job, he may sleezily hit on you, and he may have a habit of punching you in the face but guess what: the man knows what he's talking about. Whether it comes to hacking alien computer systems, or explaining how chaos theory might just mess up your plan for a live dinosaur theme park, he's always right. Why do they never listen, Mr. Goldblum? We would take one look at your spectacles and your peek a boo chest hair, and say yes. Here's a man who clearly has the answers.
5. Going off on your own
We have it on the good authority of some professor type who was talking on a NatGeo documnetary about zombie apocalypses that the Rambos who try to solo it will fail. Teamwork is the key! Various movies have proved this. Who's the one that always gets killed? The idiot cheerleader who wanders away on her own in the haunted house, or the tough guy who thinks his stolen Renfaire sword will be enough for him to survive through the demon war. Who does survive? Everyone else who sticks together. Just remember, the buddy system isn't only for kindergarten. It's for grown-ups too.
What do you think is the dumbest disaster movie move?