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The Scariest Things to Find in a Library Book

The Scariest Things to Find in a Library Book

By Melissa Albert

Halloween is coming, so let's reflect on the things that truly give us chills. And what's even scarier than seeing your 90-year-old history teacher dressed as "sexy Genghis Khan"? Finding mysterious hairs and what you desperately hope is a chocolate stain in your library copy of The Fault in Our Stars. Here are the other worst things you can find in a book that hundreds of other people have read (probably in the bathroom) before you:

Stapled-in fan fiction ending relying heavily on the heroics of a new character named Kevin.

Receipt for cat ether being used as bookmark.

Magical portal to another land! Which leads to the break room at your local Staples.

Unflattering photo of yourself sleeping.

Ill-conceived love triangle between a vampire, a werewolf, and a clumsy brunette teen.

The word "HAHAHAHA!" written in the margin next to every slightly funny part.

Post-it note to-do list reading "gym, tan, laundry."

Book troll that makes you answer three questions before every chapter, and they're all really uncomfortably personal questions.

Ghost of the author's dead wife, who's still really mad about her thinly veiled portrayal as a sickly henpecker.

The words, "Persuasion, now a major motion picture starring Kate Gosselin and Justin Bieber."

One-eighth of Tom Riddle's soul.

Okay, we laughed out loud at that last one. What's the grossest thing you've ever found in a library book?

Topics: Books, Life
Tags: scary things, library books, gross things, funny things, the library, funny lists

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About the Author
Melissa Albert

Melissa Albert reads books, worries about other people’s dogs (they look thirsty), and eats horrible candy for fun and profit. When not wearing her extremely tasteful Sparkitor hat, she’s an editor for the Barnes & Noble Book Blog. You can find her on Twitter @mimi_albert, or in the hot pretzel section of your local cafeteria.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.