The Secret Life of Dan Bergstein
In honor of Secrets Week, let’s play the Secret Game (not to be confused with the Secrete Game...which will be saved for Secretes Week). The rules are simple: List two real secrets and one lie about yourself, then ask contestants, friends, and fellow elevator passengers to find the lie.
A. My name is Dan.
B. I once ate a piano.
C. My knees bend.
Can you spot the lie? (It’s B.)
That one was easy. Now it’s on to the tough ones.
1. My checkered past:
A. I onced danced with the Chippendales in Las Vegas.
B. In high school, I stole a live trout.
C. I don’t know how to play Chinese Checkers.
2. My body:
A. My tattoo is of a 90s rock band that no longer exists.
B. I don’t have a gallbladder right now.
C. My bones have never been broken.
3. My job experience:
A. I was a shoe salesman.
B. I once dropped a child while working at an amusement park.
C. I was a puppeteer.
4. Things I’ve NEVER done:
A. Used chopsticks to eat.
B. Been in a physical fight.
C. Gotten lower than a C as a final grade.
5. Things I have done:
A. Watched Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked.
B. Studied bowling in college.
C. Killed a poor, innocent chipmunk.
6. My new job at SparkNotes:
A. I travel over 1,000 miles every week to come to work.
B. One of the perks is free pants.
C. When you ask about free pants, the HR dept. doesn’t say anything and continues with the orientation presentation.
A. My favorite food is Lucky Charms.
B. No it isn’t.
C. It’s spaghetti.
A. I’m afraid of deep water.
B. I’m afraid of the mice in my attic.
C. I ain’t afraid of no ghosts.
A. I crack my knuckles.
B. I dip french fries in chocolate milk.
C. I bite my facial hair.
10. Deepest, darkest secrets:
A. I knocked over a stack of salsa jars at the store, but pretended someone else did it and walked away.
B. I killed a bunch of people with a hammer and my mouth.
C. I cheat on eye exams.
I’ll post the answers in the comments section later this weekend.
Want to play the Secret Game? Share three things about yourself in the comments below and we’ll try to find the lie.