Are you the kind of person who constantly finds toilet paper attached to the bottom of her shoe? Are you the type who can never return a library book on time, let alone find it in your room? Are you constantly losing phones and keys, forgetting to lock up your car, or even failing to remember where you parked? If so, you are definitely a giant mess of a human. Being a mess is hard: people constantly judge you for your lack of organization, and you constantly feel guilty and anxious for looking like a fool (because you are one). Want to make it seem like you kind of have your act together so that parents and teachers believe you can actually take care of yourself and your friends stop giving you so much shiz? We’ve got some tips on how to look organized, even if your middle names is Chaos.
Practice good hygiene. When your hair is crazy and evokes the style of a mad scientist, you look untidy and frazzled. Give yourself some extra time in the morning and go for a clean, sleek look that creates the illusion of competence. A tight, neat ponytail or straight hair makes you look well-ordered. If you start looking like a prepared person, people might just start believing you are one.
Keep a schedule. An easy way to remember things is to put reminders in your phone. Need to take a vitamin every day? If you can find your iPhone, tell Siri to put in a daily reminder. It also helps to stick to the same daily or weekly routine so that it’s easy to remember what you are supposed to be doing. If you work, try to keep a fixed schedule and work the same shifts on the same days each week so that you don’t forget to show up.
Get a smaller bag. Part of your problem is that you shove all the important stuff into your giant hole of a purse and expect to find it days later. Things disappear in that bag and never come back. You wind up searching for a homework assignment you KNOW you threw in there last night, only to not be able to find it when it comes time to turn it in, and have to give up and settle for turning it in late. If you have a smaller bag, you’ll have less space to lose things in.
Capitalize and stuffz. When you send emails and don't use things like commas when you are supposed to, or fail to capitalize words (like your own name) and end sentences with ... you look like an idiot... If you can write a sentence like a real person, people might start returning your emails—instead of assuming they are spam from a weird alien with internet access.
Make lists. Apparently people like moms, party planners, and teachers (all organized people who we don’t usually consider messes) make lists, so it’s time to get the ball rolling on your own. Even though a to-do list would be something handy for you to have, in order to fool people into thinking you're organized, you should have dozens of lists hanging up in a neat arrangement in your room and locker. Make a list of things you want for Christmas, places you’d like to travel to before you are 30, flavors of Hot Pockets you wish they'd make already, names you’d like to give your future babies, your favorite Hostess brand snacks, and people you think are ugly. Not only will you know where you stand on those issues, but you’ll also perfect the list-making process so that when a real list will come in handy, you will know how to do it.
Tie your shoes. The devil is in the details. When you do things like keep your shoes tied and not get spaghetti stains on your term papers, people notice. Stop attracting attention for having your shoes on the wrong feet and tucking your skirt into your underwear.
Stock up. People who are organized tend to use things like Post-Its, and always have a pen on them. Make sure you have a few of these items kept in your small, tidy bag. You can also keep a few extra Post-Its in your undies, if need be.
Got any other ways to make it appear like you're a fully functioning adult? We want to hear how you trick people into thinking you're not a mess!