Are you familiar with the saying: “The schoolbag is the window to the soul?” No? That’s probably because we just made it up. But that doesn’t mean that there isn’t truth to it. As a matter of fact, there’s a lot you can tell about a person by the type of bag they use to transport their various contraband (and their textbooks). Here’s a collection of some common schoolbags and the characteristics tied to them (and if any of this doesn’t sound like you, it just means that we know you better than you know yourself).
Your Choice: The Backpack
What It Says About You: You’re a traditionalist. You also know the value of equal weight distribution on your shoulders. You practically have your iPod headphones glued into your ears at all times—or perhaps you actually did glue them in for convenience. When you’re in class, you sit in the back of the room and brood. Your footwear of choice is a pair of Chucks strategically scuffed to perfection with a wad of chewing gum stuck onto the bottom of the left one to let everyone know that nothing phases you—not even a blob of germ-infested, grass-covered Juicy Fruit.
Your Choice: The Tote Bag
What It Says About You: You're feminine and you’re not afraid to show it. “Totes” is both your favorite type of bag and your response when your crush of three years asks if you have a pen he can borrow. You only watched the season premiere of The Big Bang Theory because you thought it was a show about hair makeovers. You always wear heels to school, and in between classes you go to the bathroom to apply ointment to your collection of oozing blisters while quietly sobbing.
Your Choice: The Messenger Bag
What It Says About You: You are poignant and laidback. You’ve been drinking your coffee black since you were four years old. (Before that, you preferred it to be mixed with a little formula). During class, you pick a seat in the middle; you rarely speak, but when you do, you recite proverbs from fortune cookies in a mystical voice that makes your teachers and classmates think you’re really deep. When the mailman walks down your block, you exchange a knowing nod, because you are bag brethren. No one knows what kind of shoes you wear, because it’s impossible to look away from your thoughtful, mysterious eyes.
Your Choice: The Rolly Backpack
What It Says About You: You are nothing if not practical. What you lack in trendiness, you make up for with impeccable posture and unbeatable speed. Every item in your bag has a place, including your reusable water bottle, which is, of course, free of BPA, DVD, VHS, PMS, and some other acronym that the rest of us don’t even know about yet. For class, you not only arrive early, you carpool with the teacher. If you hear any classmates speaking out of turn, you whip your head around and give them a glare so stone cold, it would make Medusa cower and cry tears of pebbles. Your shoes are almost pristine, except for a minor blemish or two from when you rolled over your own foot with your bag.
Your Choice: The Plastic Shopping Bag
What It Says About You: You are low-maintenance, but you fear commitment. You prefer disposable razors because you’re not ready to exchange vows with any one brand, no matter how many blades it boasts. Last year, your locker was declared a health-hazard when a school administrator discovered a quart of spoiled milk, 12 rotting bologna sandwiches, and a small but hostile troll living inside. You wear flip-flops year round but have only lost two toes to frostbite.
Your Choice: The Fanny Pack
What It Says About You: When it comes to fashion trends, your classmates think you’re 20 years behind, but little do they know, you’re actually 20 years ahead. You know that Mom jeans are going to make a comeback, you’re just not sure when. But you’ve already begun wearing them, just to be prepared. Sports have never been your thing, but you’ve proven yourself to be a key asset to the school’s croquet team. You own a pair of Crocs in every color. Of course, you know those will never be in style—they’re just unmatchable in comfort.
Your Choice: The Burlap Bag
What It Says About You: There are rumors floating around the school that you were raised by wolves, but the truth is, it was a pack of coyotes. We’re not exactly sure what you keep inside your bag—perhaps nuggets of gold or a personal stash of potatoes, as if you were preparing for a famine (do you know something we don’t?!?) Your writing utensil of choice is a twig that you whittled into a pencil. You do not believe in shoes.
What kind of bag do you carry? Do you think this list is accurate, or do we truly know you better than you know yourselves?