Last week, we hit you with a bunch of weird-but-true illegal things. This week, we found even more. Yep, the following list is REAL, crazy, and totally illegal.
1. In Florida, men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. Exposed man shoulders? Gasp! Bottomless would be preferred!
2. In Wyoming, you may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without an official permit. They hate being photographed without a tan.
3. In Texas, it is illegal to urinate on the Alamo. You may ONLY remember it.
4. In Wisconsin, butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons.
5. In Wisconsin, margarine was illegal at one time.
6. In Wisconsin, margarine may not be substituted for butter in restaurants unless it is requested by the customer. Dear Wisconsin law makers, WHAT? Can we tackle larger issues, please? Aren't there any robbers, urinators, or man shoulders you should be outlawing?
7. In Texas, obnoxious odors may not be emitted while in an elevator. We all know what this means. Guess they can't use the word "fart" in their constitution.
8. In Bexley, Ohio, ordinance number 223 prohibits the installation and usage of slot machines in outhouses. If people are not playin' the slots in outhouses, we just don't want to know what they are doing.
9. In Washington, the harassing of Bigfoot, Sasquatch or other undiscovered subspecies is a felony punishable by a fine and/or imprisonment. This one's for you, paparazzi. Let they stomp around in peace.
10. In Mole, Missouri, frightening a baby is in violation of the law. Enough with the peek-a-boo, already. It makes babies pee their "pants." They hate it! (They were going to pee their "pants" anyway, but they also hate it a lot.) Everyone knows that game is more beneficial to adults.
11. In Connecticut, in order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce. And eating a pickle that has been bounced off the floor is completely acceptable and hygienic and mmm mmmm good.
12. In Tombstone, Arizona, it is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling. Get your mouth-sitch in order now, kids. Time is ticking.
13. In Nogales, Arizona, an ordinance prohibits the wearing of suspenders. Suspenders, traditonally the sign of the dweeb, earn you the reputation of a rule-breakin' punk-butt in Nogales.
14. In New Hampshire cemeteries, it is illegal to: get drunk, picnic, enter at night, and enter by one’s self if that person is younger than 10. Guess we know what you should have done for your 10th birthday party.
15. In Wisconsin, you cannot “worry a squirrel." They have enough to fret about, poor things. All the nut hoarding is awfully taxing.
16. In Minnesota, it is illegal to sleep naked. Minnesota has drawn the line! Just make sure you don't fall asleep while you're doing nude yoga in the park. That's when stuff gets indecent.
17. Citizens may not enter Wisconsin with a chicken on their head. Keep that stuff in Illinois. Wisconsin is CLASSY.
18. In Florida, you may not fart in a public place after 6 PM. Metaphysicists are exempt, since "they don't know what time is," and think that "we created time" and "my fart is an extenuation of my soul," etc.
19. In Washington, one may not spit on a bus. In Washington, save your droooooool for the school!
20. In Wyoming, it is illegal to spit on the steps of a school. In Wyoming, keep that spittle on the bus! (You might want to start writing this down, it's complicated.)
21. In Maine, it is illegal to expectorate from any second-story window. Good thing nobody knows what "expectorate" means.
22. In Wyoming, any person who fails to close a fence is subject to a fine of up to $750. Open fences! They're like DEATH TRAPS. It should be thousand bucks, plus you have to be someone else's lifetime servant, plus you have to build a chocolate fountain in the town center. Like those ones at Golden Corral.
23. In Fargo, North Dakota, one may be jailed for wearing a hat while dancing, or even for wearing a hat to a function where dancing is taking place. Here's a funny trick to play on your enemy: Buy 'em a hat, call the cops, then drop it like it's hot. Now they're in the slammer, and you're just the Dancing Queen, ruler of the universe, and the new most popular kid in the tri-state area.
24. In Texas, it is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts. Man, this seems kind of rough, Texas. Isn't life hard enough for kids with bad 'dos? Do we have to like, point the out in society and make them pay? Everyone knows that when you see an "unusual" haircut, your reaction should be, "Did you get your haircut?" and "Yes, it's nice." (NOBODY DOESN'T DO THIS.)
25. In Port Arthur, New Mexico, state officials ordered 400 words of “sexually explicit material” to be cut from Romeo and Juliet. Let 'em read their 50 Shades Of Grey in uninterrupted peace.
26. In Washington, it is illegal to pretend that one’s parents are rich. YOU'LL have to pick up an extra paper route to pay for the fine. Remember, MONEY DOESN'T GROW ON TREES. WHAT DO YOU THINK, THAT YOUR DAD POOPS CASH?
27. In Alabama, boogers may not be flicked into the wind. If you see one flying through the air, take it to the DNA lab. Sommmmeone's busted!
28. In Wisconsin, it is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep. Shhh! They need to be well-rested to rescue kittens from trees. EVEN IF THERE IS A FIRE. Kittens are way cuter than burning buildings, duh.
29. In New Jersey, it is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season. Put those sissy knitting needles away and take out your manly fishing poles, guys. But eww! Get one of your friends to hook the worms. Ewww!
30. In New Jersey, you may not slurp your soup. That sound gets picked up on Martians radio frequencies, causing them to want to come down from Mars, have a snack with you, AND EAT YOUR BRAINS.
31. In Michigan, it is against the law to serenade your girlfriend. Girlfriends don't need to be serenaded, you already got them! Time to put on the sweat shorts, burp a lot, and fall asleep watching TV.
32. In Michigan, all bathing suits must have been inspected by the head of police. Oh, finally a place for those people who like to wear those "Female Body Inspector" t-shirts to go.
33. In Iowa, one-armed piano players must perform for free. Yeah, a one-armed pianist. Nothing to see, here, big whoop. Don't encourage them. :/
34. In Indianola, Iowa, the “Ice Cream Man” and his truck are banned. A man who gives children ice cream? Sounds shady to us, too. We always KNEW he was up to no good!
35. In Alabama, it is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church. Those things are so hilarious. They definitely give God a run for His money.
36. In Wyoming it is illegal to wear a hat that obstructs people’s view in a public theater or place of amusement. This is the second installment of "wacky laws" and after more than 70 ridunkulous edicts, this is the only one that makes any sense.
Have you ever done any of these?