19 Things Scarier Than Clowns
A picture or video of a clown, any clown, usually is greeted with at least one person screaming, “Scary!” or “Creepy!” or “Die!” Of all the circus/birthday party characters, clowns have the very worst reputation. And this needs to change!
Clowns are not scary. Sure, there have been some frightening clowns in the past, but just because it’s used in a horror novel/movie, doesn’t mean the entire archetype is forever tainted. Jason was a camper who loved his mother, yet we don’t all hate and fear campers. Hannibal Lecter was a renowned psychiatrist, yet few children dress up as Fraiser for Halloween. (Though if they did, they should get all kinds of awards and tidal waves of candy!)
And of all the possible circus-themed evil-doers in the world, clowns shouldn’t even crack the top five. Lion tamers are much more frightening. They have lions! Real lions! And the trapeze artists are just scantily clad would-be/could-be burglars ala Catwoman. But the most frightening monster of them all, the circus freak who should have his own horror movie series, the being that we should warn our children about is...The Ringmaster!
The ringmaster commands the entire circus! Think of the consequences. If the somewhat scary clowns don’t get you, the ringmaster can summon some tigers, lions, bearded women, or whatever the heck this guy is. Clowns are only the beginning! It’s the ringmasters of the world that should strike fear in our hearts, minds, and stomachs.
Clowns are just painted fools. There are puppies more horrifying. The next time your friend squeals, “Clowns are so scary!” just shake your heard, whisper the word “ringmaster” in their ear, and watch them crumble.
Other things that are scarier than clowns:
Mannequins that attack only when/if you misspell “Mannequins”
Little kids who do NOT smile when they’re on the swings
Skeletons and the knowledge that they’re hiding inside of us all
Ducks where they shouldn’t belong
The lone shoe you see on the side of the highway
The last grape in the bowl
The Hawaiian Punch guy - Are those antlers on his head? A hat? Is that hair? Is it red because of blood?