Skip over navigation

The World's Strangest Letter From a Secret Admirer

The World's Strangest Letter From a Secret Admirer

By RG Daniels

Dear You—

I am not always the best at writing down my feelings, but that is because I don't feel feelings usually, but now, like, I do. Anyway, you are hot. You're not just hot, you're, like, if I was making scrambled eggs, then I fell face-first into the pan completely burning off my eyebrows and damaging my lips, then to ease the pain I chug a glass of water, but instead I accidentally grabbed a bottle of Tabasco sauce. That's how hot you are.

I think I've had a crush on you ever since I saw you in the mall buying a cell phone case at Radio Shack. The way you looked in that store, among the shine of cheap electronics completely took my breath away. I could not contain myself! You looked like a million teddy bears puking rainbow comets that shot across a midnight sky in Japan. :D

I tried describing you to my friends, but they were too busy playing World of Warcraft to care. My friends are so crazy! You'd love them and I can't wait until the day where we're all hanging out and watching reruns of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. My favorite episode is the one where Carlton joins the fencing team. What is yours? Also, who is your favorite wrestler? Mine is Hillbilly Jim. He's this dude from the '80s with a beard so big it looks like a big, soft cloud of facial hair and love. What?? I'm rambling! LOL!

I do not wanna give away my identity because I am still a little shy. Plus, I don’t know if you feel the same away about me. Here is a hint, though: I'm the guy who sits next to you in 3rd period with the crooked nose and Voltron backpack. Let's see if you can guess!

I really, really, really, really hope that we end up together. I think we are good match. At least, that's what my mom says after I told her you were already my girlfriend. Let's hang out.  <3 <3 <3

Sincerely,

Me

Have you ever received a secret admirer letter? What did it say?

Topics: Life
Tags: crushes, writing, letters, notes, secret admirers, love letters

Write your own comment!


Write your own comment!


About the Author
RG Daniels

RG Daniels is a writer living in Brooklyn, NY. He likes ‘90s one-hit wonders, breakfast for dinner, and koala bears. He is currently on Level 163 in Candy Crush.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.