We make up a lot of stuff on SparkLife, but NOT THIS! These are real-butt laws. We wanted to find out if we—or you—are accidentally doing anything illegal. Here's what we uncovered:
In Oklahoma, it is illegal to have a sleeping donkey in your bathtub after 7 PM. Because that is irresponsible. One minute they're sleeping, the next minute they're drowning.
In South Carolina, it is unlawful for a minor to play a pinball machine. What's next, old people aren't allowed to play Bingo?
In Missouri, it is illegal to drive with an uncaged bear. (Caged bears are okay.) They're always setting off the b-air bags.
In Alaska, waking a bear for a photo opportunity is strictly forbidden. They would rather be shot than be woken up. Seriously—shooting them is totally legal.
In Maine, it’s illegal to have Christmas decorations up past January 14th. You may have X-mas spirit, but not THAT MUCH X-MAS SPIRIT.
In Virginia, it is illegal to tickle women. We hope that punishment includes getting peed on by said woman.
In Ohio, it is illegal to get a fish drunk. Because when they get drunk, they do dirty, even more illegal things.
In Alaska, no child may build a snowman taller than him or her on school property. Everyone knows those snowmen TAKE OVER THE SCHOOL.
In Pennsylvania, it it illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors. Why is your refrigerator outdoors?
In California “molesting” butterflies earns you a $500 fine. But what if they "molest" you first?
In Pennsylvania, any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue. Hope you don't have any late-night, high-speed chases planned.
In Florida it is illegal to put livestock on a school bus. Take your livestock to work day is shot.
In Johnsboro, Georgia, it is illegal to say, “oh, boy.” Just say "oh, @$*@!$*&#."
In Illinois it is illegal to bring a French Poodle to the opera. They always bark out the ending, spoiling the surprise.
In Pennsylvania, dynamite is not to be used to catch fish. That's even a thing?
In Virginia, children are not to go trick-or-treating on Halloween. Thank goodness. Halloween is way too mature and serious for children.
Also in Virginia, it is illegal to flip a coin in a restaurant to see who pays for a coffee. You clearly should have to toe wrestle, duh.
In Michigan it is illegal to paint sparrows to sell them as parakeets. Instead, paint little mustaches on them. That's so much cuter, anyway.
In Kentucky it is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket. At last, a place where wasting dessert is a crime.
In Pennsylvania, you may not sing in the bathtub. But you can do it if you wanna do it, because how would anyone know?
In Virginia no animal may be hunted for on Sunday with the exception of raccoons, which may be hunted until 2 AM. 2 AM is when they really start to party.
In Minnesota, it is illegal to stand around any building without a good reason to be there. Can we all agree that "making love to the camera" is a good reason?
In Kansas hitting a vending machine that stole your money is illegal. You gotta bump it with your booty, son.
In Indiana no one may throw an old computer across the street at their neighbor. That’s a waste of computer, and a waste of neighbor.
In Georgia donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs. They always use up all the conditioner on purpose.
In Riverside, California, kissing on the lips, unless both parties wipe their lips with carbonized rose water, is against the local health ordinance. So in other words, no kissing, ever.
In Illinois it is illegal for anyone to give cats, dogs, or other domesticated animals a lighted cigar. Even if you have those cute little pet-sized cigars.
In Baltimore, it is illegal to take a lion to the movies. You might be king of the jungle, Mr. Lion, but Baltimore wants nothing to do with you.
In Greene, New York, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks during a concert. In related news, it is illegal to be on drugs.
In Pennsylvania you may not catch a fish with your hands. Tip: do not try to pull a fast one and offer “free scale massages”—they have been duped before and will NOT be duped again.
In North Carolina, it is illegal to hold more than two sessions of bingo per week, and those sessions may not exceed 5 hours each session. The death of 40 exhausted senior citizens after a 10 hour bingo match resulted in this law.
In Iowa, kisses can’t last more than 5 minutes. Hence the popular teenage kissing game, “4 ½ minutes in heaven.”
In Hawaii, coins are not allowed to be placed in one's ears. Great Uncle Harrys across the state just ceased to find meaning in life.
In Louisiana, catching lizards at night is illegal. Unless you catch them, buy them a pair of surfer shorts, and take them on a Caribbean cruise.
In Pennsylvania, you may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth. Fish are definitely the law makers in PA.
If you have broken more than 5 of these laws, you are officially a rebel. How many can we put you down for?