How to Ghost a Hot Guy
Okay, so I’m taking this British Literature Class (WHICH IS SO FREAKIN' AWESOME), and it makes me want to speak as if I am a writer from the Neoclassical Era (yep, I’m learning stuffs). So I do apologize if I randomly get all Neoclassicalian up in here.
Right. Basically at college there are two groups:
- Cute Guys.
- Everyone Else.
Unfortunately, there’s a whole lot more of the Everyone Else than there are Cute Guys. And for some reason, Cute Guys never really seem to notice me. Could it possibly be because of my complete lack of allure…?
But, due to the item that I crossed off of the Bucket List, a Cute Guy noticed me!! ME. TALIE. COMMENCE VICTORY FULL-BODY-HEAVE/DANCE NOW. Except, well, the main reason he noticed me was probably because he thought I was creepy…
Let's start at the beginning. This week, I conquered Numero 35: Ghost someone.
Now, in case y’all don’t know, ghosting someone is when you follow someone in a manner that completely violates their personal space and utterly disintegrates any form of a bubble they had placed around them. If you really think about it, it’s absolutely pointless. But basically you just do it to see if someone notices and/or does something about it. It’s a beautiful, beautiful thing. But it's not for the faint of heart.
So my friend and I were in the middle of a very populated spot on campus. Which, if you’re planning on doing this, is absolutely perfect. We warmed up with a couple of people that we didn’t really care about, namely other chicks. The usual procedure commenced—following the person with the least amount of space between us as possible whilst one of us laughs our butt off and people stare at both of us like we’ve just been released from an insane asylum.
Just so y’all get the picture, I’d say that there’s generally about 4-6 inches of spaces between us and our ghostees.
Anyway, the first person I ghosted did absolutely nothing (probably because she had earplugs in). Needless to say, I was slightly disappointed. Luckily, the second chick I ghosted yielded more satisfying results. After about 45 seconds of ghosting her, she turned around and said, “Why are you all up in my grill?”
Which, of course, made me burst into a ridiculously loud fit of laughing. I managed to choke out a lame “Sorry” before I scampered back to the safety of my friend. She might have peed her pants due to the fact that she was laughing so hard.
This continued for about the next fifteen minutes because we had nothing better to do. Then, finally, he came. Tall, dark, and so amazingly gorgeous that many a dead flower came to life as he walked by. Yes. He was that freakin’ hot.
And, of course, my friend said, “Talie, you should ghost him.” To this day, I still do not know what came over me. What brought about this uncharacteristic bought of courage? Was it that I was hyped up on sugar? Or my general lack of sleep?
Regardless of the reason, the next thing I knew I was ghosting the man with the amazing Greek god-like physique. My friend stood by the side in wonder and awe. I don't know how long the ghosting lasted. It could have been a second. It could have been days. All I know is that I did it. And then. AND THEN. HE. TURNED. AROUND.
“Hi.” That’s all he had to say for me to know that I wanted to marry him and have his babies. Our children would be beautiful.
“Hi.” I replied. Yes, Xavier and Celeste would be beautiful names for our children.
“What are you doing?” Nothing much, just planning our wedding. You?
“Um…” I said, searching desperately for something witty or funny or clever to say to him. Something that screamed “I AM YOUR FUTURE WIFE.”
“I like your shirt.” That’s all I could blurt out, and then I ran away. It was a tragedy.
So, a word for the wise—if y’all decide to be AWESOME and ghost someone, do not, I repeat DO NOT, ghost an extremely attractive guy unless you have a ready, witty comment that you can whip out under high pressure situations.
Be careful, young grasshoppers,
Have you ever ghosted someone?