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Historical Proof That Guys Have Always Been Jerks

Historical Proof That Guys Have Always Been Jerks

By Scott Greenstone

"Men don't know the meaning of chivalry anymore."

"Guys don't know what it is to be a gentleman in this day and age."

How often do we hear this? Like, much. The common belief is that men in general used to be a lot more awesome than they are now. So, in defense of manhood and guydom for time immemorial, we're here to proclaim our thesis: guys have always been jerks.

Just look at history:

Theseus

In Greek myth, hero Theseus was taken to Crete to be sent into the Labyrinth to be eaten by the Minotaur. But Ariadne, the daughter of the king of Crete, gave Theez a ball of string so he could find his way out.

So when he killed the Minotaur and got out, Theseus left Ariadne behind. On Crete. Whoopee!

Bonus jerkiness: Theseus told his father before leaving Athens that if he was alive the sails on the returning ship would be white, and if he was dead they'd be black. Well, the schmuck forgot to switch sails on the return journey, and his dad saw the black sails and died instantly.

Lancelot

This guy was great to his lady, but he was the biggest buttwhipe to his best friend, who happened to be his lady's husband. Sure, he was a great knight, but as far as relationships go, he could've stood to read some Dear Abby or at least written to Auntie SparkNotes. I can see the headline now. Auntie SparkNotes: I've Been Having an Affair for Years and If I Tell the King (Oh Yeah, it's His Wife) The Kingdom Will Fall Apart. Tally-ho!

Demetrius

Before he saw Hermia, this Athenian noble loved Helena...but then he saw Hermia and everything was over. Until he falls back in love with Hermia, and everyone's happy at the end. But seriously, if you were Helena, would you get back with that guy?

What other historical jerks can you think of?

Topics: Life
Tags: history, relationships, romance, jerks, boys, guys, men

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About the Author
Scott Greenstone

I write freely.

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