With Daniel Day-Lewis donning the stovepipe hat to play Lincoln and Bill Murray polishing a pair of spectacles as Franklin Delano Roosevelt, it's clear that Hollywood has historical bio-picks on the mind. Here are some castings we would LOVE to see:
1. Paul Dano as Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
There's no other book quite as emo as Goethe's The Sorrows of Young Werther—and no other actor who hits the artistic emo chord quite like Paul Dano. My proof: Little Miss Sunshine. Plus, he's already played a writer in Ruby Sparks, so—ok, I admit: I just want to see Dano in a wig and stockings. Those skinny legs in 18th century tights would be a site to behold.
2. Emma Watson as The Archduchess Maria Amalia Josepha Johanna Antonia or "Amalia"
Everyone knows about Marie Antoinette: pretty, vivacious, misunderstood, spendthrift, got her head chopped offblah blah blah. Enough about that spotlight hogger. What about her sister Amalia, who had a Romeo and Juliet situation with her first love, Karl of Zweibrucken? Emma Watson would be perfect because a) she's the new British It Girl, and b) she hasn't done the mandatory historical costume drama/Oscar bait film yet.
3. Ben Whishaw as Freddie Mercury
I have no idea if Ben Whishaw can sing falsetto. I don't know if he even looks like Queen's genius frontman. I don't care. I love him and want him to play every role under the sun, and if he was cast as George W. Bush, I would say "Brilliant! Where can I buy my midnight screening tickets?" Did I put him on this list just so I could rave about him? Yes, I absolutely did.
4. Vin Diesel as Cesar Milan, the "Dog Whisperer"
Yes, I know, Cesar Milan isn't dead yet. But if a 25-year-old Harvard grad can write a MEMOIR about her life of, again, TWENTY-FIVE YEARS, then Cesar Milan can get a bio-pic before he's dead. Can't you just see it?
EXT.: CESAR'S compound. Day.
CESAR (Vin Diesel), kneels down to a small terrier shelter rescue. He gets nose to nose with the puppy. The puppy looks nervous. CESAR pets him gently.
I live my life a quarter mile at a time. Nothing else matters: not the mortgage, not the store, not my team and all their bullshit. For those ten seconds or less, I'm free. Now FETCH THIS BALL, Beta Yorkiepoo!
5. Zooey Deschanel as Loretta Lynn
Move over Sissy Spacek, and let the young, hip folkie songstress/actress Deschanel bring that coal miner's daughter to the next gen...hold on. Sorry. My friend Alicia just told me that this is already happening on Broadway, which means it's basically 5 minutes away from being local cineplex fodder. I bet as I type this sentence, the Weinstein brothers are already developing it for next Oscar season.
6. Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Gene Kelly
Have you sees his SNL opening? Or 500 Days of Summer? Or that She & Him music video? The man clearly has an addiction to spins and shuffle steps. I feel he was born in the wrong era. He clearly needed to be in Hollywood when they were making pictures like Singin' in the Rain, Anchors Aweigh, and An American in Paris. Oh look. Those are all Gene Kelly movies. And the last one is in France. And JGL speaks French. And this is how kismet happens.
7. Benedict Cumberbatch as Captain Wentworth
Can you just IMAGINE? Him dashing around in 19th century Naval uniform, partnering ladies in quadrilles, and giving soulful looks to oh, say, Carey Mulligan as Anne Elliot? Dear Joseph Wright, can you take a break from promoting Anna Karenina and MAKE THIS HAPPEN? Pardon me, what did you say? Captain Wentworth is a fictional Austen character who never set foot on an actual, historical ship of the line? I didn't know that. Too bad I wrote my explanation for this casting before I found out. Oh well, now it's out there—and if because of this post, a website is born petitioning Working Title Films to green light this project, then what a lovely coincidence.
We'd be all OVER any movie in which JGL danced around Paris speaking French. What do you think of these castings? What other historical bio-pics would you like to see?