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9 Ways to Tell if Your Friend is Actually your Frenemy

9 Ways to Tell if Your Friend is Actually your Frenemy

By Sissy

It’s weird to think that someone who is your friend could also be your biggest rival, but hey, it happens all the time. If you find yourself feeling sad or upset after hanging out with your so-called “best” lady friend, you might be dealing with a frenemy. Consult our list of common frenemy characteristics to assess the situation. And trust us on this: we’re strictly your BFF.

1. She’s a one-upper. Remember that old lyric, “anything you can do, I can do better? I can do anything better than you!” After you tell your friend about your trip to New York, does she tell you how her trip to LA to visit her ex-actress aunt was sooooo much better? Does she interrupt your news about being cast as the lead in the Fall musical to tell you that a talent scout saw her at a mall and asked her to audition for a commercial? Hanging around someone who is constantly trying to one-up you is not only rude, it puts a damper on your self-esteem.

2. Compliments? What are those? If she never says stuff like, "OMG, you got bangs!! They look amazing!!!" or "Cute shirt!," this girl is not your advocate. Friends who give compliments are secure with themselves, and give props where props are due.

3. She’s flaky. You should be able to rely on a friend to give you a ride when she says she will, or stick to your homecoming dress shopping plan. We can forgive a friend for occasionally spacing on our birthdays or letting something slip off her calendar, but if it happens too much, it shows a lack of respect, and we all deserve a little bit of that.

4. You wouldn’t trust her alone with your boyfriend. We hope this needs no further explanation.

5. There's too much contrasting and comparing. Constantly checking out your waistline and comparing it to your girlfriend's is not very healthy. The size of your body should not matter in any real way to a friendship. Of course we all sometimes compare our looks to those of our friends (we are people, after all!), but if you find yourself stressing out or becoming jealous, maybe you guys need to take a little break.

6. She thinks the phone only goes one way. If your friend leaves all the planning to you and flips out when you don’t give her a buzz one weekend, that’s weird. Everyone knows how to text! You shouldn’t need to be the one who always reaches out.

7. She bashes your “things.” Yes, some of the stuff you do is totally and utterly dorky, but the fact that you still suck your thumb and play in a badminton league is what make you, you. Yes, your friends are allowed to tease you (to a point) as long as you are still laughing with them. When people poke too much fun and push you to your limits, they are bullying you!

8. She goes through people. People who change “best friends” all the time are people to be wary of. Sure, people change or move away, and things happen, but most people don't change best friends at the drop of a hat. If she has eight former BFFs she no longer speaks to, it’s likely one day you’ll be added to the list.

9. People see through her. If your parents or other friends question your friendship, there’s likely a good reason for it. As you probably already know (and wish you didn’t), your parents have a superior sense about these things—if they smell something fishy about your friend, it’s probably because she’s a fish (or in this case, a major female dog who creates drama). Sometimes we’re blind when we find a new friend, but eventually things will become clearer—like a month from now when she starts a fight with a group of nice girls at the local Wendy’s for “staring at her.” Get out while you still can!

Does this hit home for you? Is one of your friends starting to look like a frenemy? How do you plan to deal?

Topics: Life
Tags: relationships, friends, frenemies, mean people

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About the Author
Sissy

Sissy is a woman/girl who lives, works and eats too much popcorn on the north side of Chicago. Bet you couldn't guess that her real name is actually not Sissy, but it's what her family likes to call her by. Also, She's loud and is very glad you can't hear her.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.

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