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What Your Favorite Writer Says About You

What Your Favorite Writer Says About You

By Lisa Bernier

Some girls won't date guys who wear socks with sandals. Some guys won't marry girls who haven't seen all the Star Wars movies (or at least the original trilogy). Personally, I refuse to even talk to people who read Fifty Shades of Grey. Does that mean I won't talk to myself? Yes, yes it does.

Clearly, what you like is indicative of your personality. In many cases, I can pinpoint to a T who a person is by what they read. I can forecast, with the absolute accuracy of a genie in a broken lamp, who a person was, is, and will be based on their favorite writer. Below are 5 examples of my tarot card readings of your literary soul. Read these forecasts and be amazed.

If your favorite writer is...

Ernest Hemingway

You've climbed Mount Kilamanjaro fifty times, and trips 25-42 were all without oxygen. Trips 42-49 were without oxygen and climbing gear. Trip 50 was without oxygen, climbing gear, naked and carrying ten sherpas on your back. You're so tough that beef jerky melts in your mouth like jello. You're so stoic that Rambo would weep at the ending of The Notebook before you. You also have an unreasonable hatred of adjectives.

R.L. Stine

You live in a house of creepy cobwebs where the wind whistles through the eaves with the voice of howling mutant werewolves. Sometimes when you turn around, there are clowns. When you turn around again, the clowns are rabbits. When you turn once more, they're green apples and you eat the apples because you're hungry. You're hungry because you only eat every 7th day of the tri-quarterly full moon, are 750 years old, and are covered in some kind of glowing slime. Are you the ghost of a farmer who died in the 18th century? You don't know. But that would explain the transparent hands.

Meg Cabot

Omg, you are tooooootally this princess from the far away land of Fake-Ovia (the kingdoms Fake and Ovia merged through treaty in 1648, hence the hyphen. You also just think hypehs are waaaaay adorbs/overused). Your bff/bff's stepbro/President's son/vampire hunter co-worker so hearts you, but you don't see it cuz U R tots crushin' on the hunky yet idiotic model/quarterback/movie star/centuries old vampire who is just. so. wrong. but. oh. so. right. Your journal is THE item you CANNOT leave to be devoured by a fire. You solve problems with giggles, girl power, whining about how geeky you are and how perfect your sister is, and good old-fashioned smarts. You also are often adorkably quippy and like to wear sneakers with prom dresses.

Aphra Behn

Thou art a / pride-boggle / collywoddle / bookswaddle / geekuddle. Thou art so / for none but / one so / would know:

FIRSTLY who milady Aphra Behn is

SECONDLY read her tomes and

THRICELY would pick her star as the writer of their heart. We bid thee, madam/sir, desist thine efforts to be on the spectacle Jeopardy and save thy dry, moth-eaten soul before it disintegrates into dust by perusing the latest scribble of the wordsmith Stephen King.

Victor Hugo

Mon amie, tu es très romantique. Tu adore liberté, égalité, fraternité et les couleurs bleu, blanc et rouge. Tu chante comme un ange et tu habite a Paris. Tu écris un roman. Le roman est brilliant mais tu vas mourir d'un coeur brisé.

(Translation here.)

Who's your favorite writer? What do you think your choice says about you?

Topics: Books, Life
Tags: writers, personality types, writers we love, ernest hemingway, meg cabot, victor hugo, what your ___ says about you

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