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Catchphrases For a Slam DONK at the Next Game-Watching Party

Catchphrases For a Slam DONK at the Next Game-Watching Party

By Janet Manley

It’s almost October, and you know what that means, sports fans! It means that football is kicking the ball off and baseball is tap-dancing on the last sandbag before home. It also means that if you say things like “tap-dancing on the last sandbag before home,” you probably have very little idea about sports. Join the clubhouse! Not only are we uncoordinated at sports, but we really only go to ballgames to sing that song in the middle of the seventh inning. What other things do sports-obtuse Sparktonians like to yell at games, you ask? We present a list of common fouls by sport:

Tennis

“He has a great net face.”
“It’s early in the second set, and these two players are in love.”
“And Roddick drops deuce.”
“That was a bit of a softserve.”
“Ace! I think it’s safe to say there are plenty more fireballs hidden up her skirt.”
“They’ve had some great pinging back and forth.”
“Shuts him down with a yellow fuzz rocket!”
“Sharapova is very confident playing on terracotta.”
“I wonder what other tricks she has in her duffel bag.”

Baseball

“Nothing but fence!”
“Who’s the tidying-up hitter?”
“Bases are locked and loaded.”
“A-Rod is the designated hit-man.”
“Time for the seventh inning stretcher!”
“Gives him the old tin of corn.”
“Beltran’s swinging backwards now.”
“Throws him a crazy ball.”
“Another dustball.”
“Closes him out with a furball.”
“SAFE! On doorstop number two.”

Soccer

“Beckham takes one to the head!”
“He’s a natural...it's like he was born in the onion bag?”
“Gooooooooooooold is my favorite shirt color.”
“That guy looks like he’s hurt.”
“Ronaldo is on a kicking spree.”
“He’s got hot feet today.”
“Now he’s doing some hackeysack.”
“She’s one of the all-time great ball-sharers.”
“The players have been milling around, and it looks like they might actually head up to the goal area.”

Football

“The quarterback bends and snaps.”
“He’s got his hands on the pixie skin.”
“The players go into downward-facing dog for the start...”
“Tim Tebow rarely gets tickled.”
“The coach is sending the understudies onto the field now.”
“...And she kicks it through the big tuning fork for the conversion.”
“TOUCHSTONE!”

Basketball

“He’s dribbling all over the court like nobody’s business.”
“I’m a HUGE bb-ball fan.”
“Slam DONK!”
“He gallops, he does the bicycle, he puts the ball in the circle hole!”
“She throws the ball from outside the Pac-Man for three points!”
“Got AIR?!”
“He drops it and catches it again, on no he dropped it again and caught it again, and dropped it again! but caught it again! CAN KOBE HOLD ON TO THE BALL LONG ENOUGH TO GET TO THE HANGING RING?”
“One ring to rule them all!”

What do you like to yell at the teams on the TV?!

Topics: Life
Tags: sports, soccer, football, basketball, baseball, tennis, catchphases, sayings

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About the Author
Janet Manley

Janet's desk was moved into the hall for the duration of coursework on Roman numerals in grade four, and she cannot tell one Rocky from another to this day. Her spirit animal is a wombat, and she has not written a novel. Dauntless, Gryffindor, Mockingjay. She tweets @janetmanley

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.