How To Gain Instagram Fame
You've gone viral: the three little words that everyone in InternetLand dreams of hearing. After all, there's no better way to become famous in this day and age. So what's the science behind getting 10,000 hits in under an hour? If we knew the answer to that question, we'd be playing foosball with Mark Zuckerberg in a castle made entirely of gold instead of writing this post. But here we are, and here are the totally unguaranteed, utterly untested, and best unsurefire ways to get famous via Instagram.
Make something ugly pretty. This is harder than it sounds. Just because you take a picture of trash on the street and put it in Amaro doesn't make it look anything more than trash on the street....unless you take it at an angle, crop it, and put it in Kelvin. Instant hit!
Take good pictures. Or if you're not the next Annie Leibowitz, take a picture of someone hot and famous and you'll instantly get a zillion followers. May I suggest that you start stalking Andrew Garfield?
DON'T take pictures of anything naked, dying, deceased, injured, gross, or anything that would get you suspended/fired from your job. There's a difference between famous and infamous. If you can't tell the difference, put your social networking hand down before you implode your life like that UCLA girl who went on a racist rant via YouTube.
Pay a professional photographer to ghost-post for you. You know that's what all the stars do. You didn't ACTUALLY think that they took that gorgeous picture of their shoes, did you?
Be Zooey Deschanel. This helps. A lot.
Only take pictures of cute puppies and kittens. Everyone needs a daily dose of adorable.
Join OWS and upload Activist Pics to Beat Down the Man! Oh wait. This only worked from October to April of last year...
Have a family of 2,000 people. And then encourage them to have more babies, and sign them up for Instagram, and then have them follow you. Babies are born now with cell phones pre-attached to their hands anyways, so you can do it right in the birthing room.
Actually, don't bother because Facebook just finalized their deal to buy Instagram and we all know what happens when something gets Zuckerberg'ed. One word: Timeline.
Follow these guidelines, and you're sure to go viral via Instagram soon! If not, just use Pinterest because really, it's way more fun.
How are you going to get Instagram-famous?
Instagram image by Sparkitor Emma Chastain!