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The Best New Instagram Filters...in Our Dreams

The Best New Instagram Filters...in Our Dreams

By Melissa Albert

Why are we obsessed with Instagram? Because there's no better app for making your life look like that of a 1970s indie rocker on tour in the American west (with filters Kelvin, Nashville, Rise), or a hipster fashion plate who works for a blog devoted to dead fonts (X-Pro II, Lo-fi, Inkwell). And because we want to make your photos seriously unforgettable, we've come up with some even more innovative filter ideas. We won't be mad if you don't adopt these suggestions, Instagram. We'll just be disappointed.

Magician! Adding a haze of smoke, sparks, and exploding handkerchiefs will make even your grandma's Easter potluck look like an evening of unpredictable whimsey.

Sunspots. Bathe your photos in the glaring, angled light of the setting sun, evoking both the most dangerous time of day to drive and the pages of an Urban Outfitters catalog.

Crush Goggles. Utilizing the mysterious ocular response that allows you to continue crushing on someone even after you've witnessed them participating in a ketchup-eating competition, the Crush Goggles filter makes everyone look smarter, hotter, and more interesting than they have any right to be.

Lerman. This in-demand filter gives the impression that Logan Lerman is standing next to you in every photo. ($1.99 upgrade for Lerman KissCam.)

Lonely Birthday. Replace every person in your photo but you with images of sagging layer cake, dusty birthday banners, and deflated balloon animals, instantly evoking a birthday party that nobody came to. Make people feel bad for forgetting your birthday, 365 days a year.

Gauze. Forget sexy low light and alluring fuzzy focus. Just straight up cover your photos in a thin veil of superimposed gauze.

CosmicBowl. Classroom, grocery store, dentist's office—no matter where you are, you and your friends can instantly be bathed in the cheesy neon glitz of Cosmic Night at the local bowling alley.

Lochte. Can't we have a filter that makes us all look like this?

Creeper. For those times when you just want your photo to look like it's being viewed creepily through a pair of exaggerated binoculars.

Which filter do you wish existed?

Topics: Life
Tags: photos, funny things, photography, instagram, instagram filters

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About the Author
Melissa Albert

Melissa Albert reads books, worries about other people’s dogs (they look thirsty), and eats horrible candy for fun and profit. When not wearing her extremely tasteful Sparkitor hat, she’s an editor for the Barnes & Noble Book Blog. You can find her on Twitter @mimi_albert, or in the hot pretzel section of your local cafeteria.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.

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